sorrowful melodies.

2009-08-08T20:16:00.001+08:00

Moved to LJ. Not like I can post on Blogger anyway.

After all, I only wish to hear the cadence of silence, since I've gone beyond the ranges of lyriclessness and dementedness.

2009-07-19T23:12:00.001+08:00

Once I had a dream
And this is it

Once there was a child's dream
One night the clock struck twelve
The window open wide
Once there was a child's heart
The age I learned to fly
And took a step outside

Once I knew all the tales
It's time to turn back time
Follow the pale moonlight
Once I wished for this night
Faith brought me here
It's time to cut the rope and fly

Fly to a dream
Far across the sea
All the burdens gone
Open the chest once more
Dark chest of wonders
Seen through the eyes
Of the one with pure heart
Once so long ago

The one in the Big Blue is what the world stole from me
This night will bring him back to me

Fly to a dream
Far across the sea
All the burdens gone
Open the chest once more
Dark chest of wonders
Seen through the eyes
Of the one with pure heart
Once so long ago

Fly to a dream
Far across the sea
All the burdens gone
Open the chest once more
Dark chest of wonders
Seen through the eyes
Of the one with pure heart
Once so long ago

- "Dark Chest of Wonders" by "Nightwish".

It reflects the simple innocence of a child.

Something that I'd definitely want to have in this life. To have "All the burdens gone", and have a "pure heart".

Funny how it has such a dark title.

2009-07-15T04:38:00.002+08:00

To the girl who whacks me to keep me from emo-ing:

Hello! Happy birthday! Hope you enjoy Sweet 16! Thanks for being with me all this while, whether through tough times of happy times. Thanks also for still being a friend for me always there since Primary School! Don't know if you remember, but you always used to be the mediator between me and my "Da Jie" hahaha.

And don't get stressed over things yup! Just remember you can come and talk to me as well! I'm not always emo haha xD

Alright, you'll probably whack me for staying up so late (early), so I'll go off now!

Happy 16!

P.S. I don't usually name people unless per request, so I won't name you ((:

2009-07-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

I wonder how much will it take for you to hate me.

2009-07-14T14:23:00.001+08:00

Maybe people should be forced to make a choice upon birth. The choice of whether you choose engaging in love and relationships or in friendships.

What incentive is there?

Ever heard of the famous Simon and Garfunkel song "I Am a Rock"? One of the lines goes:

If I never loved, I never would have cried.

Sad fact, but it's the truth. Often first love never works out. Even my P6 Chinese teacher used to tell us that our first boyfriend/girlfriend would never be your permanent spouse or stead.

Of course, she said that there's a small chance that it will still work out. But it is a fact.

And recently, I found this song, sung by Nightwish. "Ghost Love Score". I haven't finished analysing the entire set of lyrics, but unfortunately I believe that it reflects a sad and undying love of someone for his or her lover.

Here are the lyrics, anyway.

We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee
Into the blue memory

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Into the blue memory

A siren from the deep came to me
Sang my name my longing
Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may ever be

The Child will be born again
That siren carried him to me
First of them true loves
Singing on the shoulders of an angel
Without care for love n` loss

Bring me home or leave me be
My love in the dark heart of the night
I have lost the path before me
The one behind will lead me

Take me
Cure me
Kill me
Bring me home
Every way
Every day
Just another loop in the hangman`s noose

Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home
Every way, every day
I keep on watching us sleep

Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve
Of you and me
Forgive the adoring beast

Redeem me into childhood
Show me myself without the shell
Like the advent of May
I`ll be there when you say
Time to never hold our love

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
You were the one to cut me
So I will bleed forever

- "Ghost Love Score", by Nightwish

This must be what happens when someone dedicates his or her love to someone in great amounts. Eventually when that love is wasted on the person, having been rejected, the person as good as loses his/her mind, and then that progresses down the road of sorrow, pain and agony.

That road is a terrible road to travel towards, so one must be careful not to end up down that road. It's too steep to traverse safely, so don't try to go down by yourself. And don't try to hook yourself onto other friends. They'll just get dragged down onto a different path of stress and emotional duress.

Now, go away.

2009-07-09T20:38:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. Please forgive what I said.

2009-07-07T23:47:00.002+08:00

And it seems that emotions are floating around in the air currently.

Some of them high, some of them spaced out, some of them just plain.

But all of them bear a certain element of expression within them.

Whether it's fondness, whether it's sadness, whether it's thoughtfulness, whether it's sheer joy, nervousness, anger, even just fun-loving...

They're all still there.

So somehow, I feel all these sensations floating in the air.

Whether through direct contact or hearing about it from someone, or even from feeling it myself, I can feel it.

I interpret its nature, follow its flow through people's lives, and finally begin to touch it at my fingertips. I then try to gauge its flow, its intensity, and slowly plunge myself bit-by-bit into it, relishing or cringing at every step I take, yet exploring the vast depths of it.

But ever so often, emotions change, and another current sweeps over and interrupts your exploration. And ever so often, you go on to another current and follow its strong pull towards another destination.

And the cycle repeats.

I don't know, I just felt kind of prosaic, and decided to write down a little something of what I would describe emotions as: A series of great big currents that overlap constantly and never let you dwell long enough in it.

But there's something I forgot.

Currents are part of a greater current, which is the main general category of mood. So respectively, if you dwell too much on those currents in that greater current, then you'll end up feeling a particular type of mood. This isn't too good for you either.

So often, we throw ourselves into a feeling before realising that it's taking us elsewhere, but it's too late to turn back.

Humans are regretful things. Feelings incite regret often. Humans should forsake feelings to be effecient workers.

2009-07-05T21:26:00.002+08:00

Oh and here's a post for a good friend who is running for committee. Normally I don't put up vids or pics due to privacy purposes, but this is on Youtube, and she agrees, so I will.

Hope you get the post!

2009-07-05T20:39:00.003+08:00

Why Indonesia?

Why Indonesia?

'When schools reopen, only students who spent the past week in 'congested' Singapore will return to classrooms, not those who have spent their time in relatively safe environments.'

MR MONEY KANAGASABAPATHY: 'Singapore, with 454 reported cases of H1N1 as of last Saturday, is probably among the most affected nations on a per sq km basis. Yet some families like mine, having just holidayed in Bintan, Indonesia, a country with few reported cases of H1N1, have the misfortune of suffering self-quarantine and disruption from school. Statistics suggest that it is safer in idyllic Bintan than in Singapore with its crowded public places. When schools reopen, only students who spent the past week in 'congested' Singapore will return to classrooms, not those who have spent their time in relatively safe environments.'

Why not Malaysia?

'Malaysia, with about 70 cases of infection, is excluded while Indonesia, with only a few, is blacklisted.'

MS DHANALETCHMI PILLAY: 'It puzzles me that Malaysia, with about 70 infections, is excluded while Indonesia, with only a few, is blacklisted. Is it a matter of oversight or convenience that Malaysia is absent from the list? I chose Bintan as my holiday destination because of the low infection rate in Indonesia.'

Taken from http://www.straitstimes.com/ST%2BForum/Story/STIStory_396613.html.

Now this just amazes me.

Isn't it such a wonder, that Singapore, which has 783 infection cases, hasn't been on its own blacklist? And people are kicking up a fuss over Malaysia, which has just reached 196 cases?

Simply puzzling.

I'm not just arguing about Malaysia. If you're going to be some paranoid shizz because your neighbouring country has a small outbreak, then shouldn't we all in Singapore stay at home and impose self-quarantine on ourselves, since we've been in Singapore?

My list of arguments.

Firstly, because of a comparatively smaller outbreak, Singapore may have decided not to impose such a ruling on its neighbouring country. After all, bilateral ties will help to ensure that both countries keep in touch over this issue.

Also, the Immigration checkpoint has also imposed its own set of rules. For example, I knew a certain acquaintance who was returning to Singapore from Malaysia. He was stopped on the Malaysian side and was prevented from going over because he was running a temperature, H1N1 or not. They sent him back.

With such preventive screening measures, perhaps we should consider if human beings are getting too paranoid. After all, I still believe that the best way to make sure you don't get H1N1 is to stay in an airtight box at home with oxygen tanks pumping oxygen into the box.

That's right, just keep living under your shell.

Come on, we can be better than this. Just because we're not as good as you doesn't mean we're a bunch of uncivilised barbarians. What's this, going back to the ancient European days where they believed that Catholicism must be the one and only religion, and they set off on long voyages to destroy the nations that don't believe in their religion? To impose "civility" into these "uncivilised countries of barbarians"?

In fact, people are so prejudiced, my acquaintance had a colleague who asked him if he had gotten a medical check-up. When he said that he had one "in Malaysia", she suggested that he "go see a doctor now".

So Malaysians are considered inferior to Singaporeans. So Malaysian doctors are all considered slipshot and unqualified.

Ever considered the number of medical cases prosecuted in Singapore history over negligence on the doctor's part? Ever gone in and examined how many of them have been charged and convicted?

Come on, human beings. We can do better than this. Let's not have outright discriminations and prejudices just because you're better than the other person.

2009-06-29T12:08:00.001+08:00

I'm in big trouble now.

Didn't get any of my work started, and I decided to work through the night.

Then, went off to some other irrelevant site and got caught by my Dad.

And Mum's disappointed too.

I have a big problem now. So much work is on my computer, so if my computer gets confiscated, I'm screwed big time.

Only thing to do now is to run for it on handwritten things.

I have to learn to live without this blasted thing. I've been using it to ruin my life more than I use it for actual leisure purposes and work purposes.

Something tells me that keeping things to such a state isn't going to be easy.

I'll still be checking my email in school and all that. I just can't use it much at home.

If you want tickets, or you need to talk to me urgently, I still have my handphone and I still can receive emails on any of my 4 email accounts. Let me know.

Till I kick this over-reliance, see you all around.

2009-06-26T10:30:00.004+08:00

And so I got caught again using the computer, and this morning I found it happily missing from the floor beside me.

I started a wary manhunt, probably because there was nothing to suggest that she had gone to work: after all, her things were still at home.

Couple of hours later, I took it out, and decided to carry on.

So, probably get a couple of hours on FFVII, and maybe get started on homework.

But I'm really happy that I logged on from 12am to 1am, because I finally got to say what I wanted to, and things are just getting better.

Somehow, perhaps, everything can be solved by talking. And maybe with gentleness in it, it's much more feasible. With a little less force, you can bring down an entire barrier around a person, and work your way into his or her heart.

So perhaps this entire time, I was wrong about the way I was going about things, and maybe now I can find it in my heart to put things behind me and move on ahead.

A close friendship is still what we treasure most. Friends have differences, but this overcomes it all.

So I went to read FML, haha. And I found this.

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

And the very reasonable solution? Simple!

Oh damn! That sucks.
Write and entry and put a lot of explicit stuff that you do and dont tell her, and keep getting worse until you write "JK"

What more shall we say, people? The most effective way to counter unauthorised diary-readers!

Lol.

Anyway, just a rough list of what I have to finish in the next 4 hours.

theres chinese hmwk and the additional hmwk

amath, cmath

ihs

chem project, chinese project

laa

lab

its translation from english to chinese
then copy a chinsse paragraph

2 parts

choose a chinese article

copy

choose an english article, translate

do on a book

suppose to be 3-4 a week..

And let's not forget the impending MEP practical of doom. Plus the trombone solo of more doom as well.

Gah.

Should get started, since the only legal work I have would be the Chinese work, although I can do stuff without them looking.

Ahhhhhhhh YMCA.

Oh yes, I want to shamelessly advertise for a concert right here.

Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) Symphonic Band
Festival of Arts Concert
15th August 2009
7:30 pm (1930 hours)
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) Old Auditorium
Tickets priced at $10 each
Busking will be carried out during intermission
All proceeds (during busking) go directly to the Symphonic Band
For tickets, please email me at mezzo_pianissimo@hotmail.com

Do come do come! There's a big surprise for all those friends of mine concerning me!

2009-06-25T19:28:00.001+08:00

Been neglecting this blog for a long time.

I've changed my MSN after a long time, probably because of something that happened last night and also to shed the identity of "Karl". I've also always wanted something music-related, so yeah, that's how it goes. Probably also serves to weed out all those people whom I don't really know, and people whom I don't want to or talk to anymore.

Suddenly realised that "lyricless" may not fit me that much anymore, but I still like the sound of it, and mpp is a little hard to remember when typing it into the URL bar. So I'm going to stick with lyricless@bs, just so that it's easier for those people who actually read to come here.

I know, I always complain about how no one reads, but then again, I don't update. Of course, I could offer the simple argument that no readers = no reminders to update, but that's just an excuse.

So anyway, holidays are already going to come to an end, and I really have not gotten any homework complete. Been spending most of my time slacking off and doing shit instead of revising like I lied I was.

Tsk, Tim, where are your morals? Even DM knows that you're a shithead.

So anyway, I need to try and remember all the damned homework that I've got to finish by tomorrow, else I'm not going to have much of a life.

Damn, I'm not getting much out of my life by playing games all day long either!

2009-06-23T00:05:00.001+08:00

So I've done zero revision, and I haven't gotten any of my work done. I really ought to get started.

Been banned from doing my IHS essay, so I'll just have to carry out night assaults on that damned essay. Can't believe it's so tough to even get started on. What's more, the topic I'm dealing with tends towards more of equality of every single citizen instead of management policies of ethnic diversity specifically instead.

Things have been hard. It's been tough just trying to concentrate on one thing at a time, and I've seriously got to discipline myself so that I get down to real business within this last week of school.

Somehow, deep down inside, I get that sickening feeling that even by the end of this week, I'm not going to get any work done.

Whatever.

Met up with a couple of old friends today, although some couldn't make it because they were sick. Get well soon, though.

So.

This geezer was still the same, apart from having a lower voice, growing taller than me, and cutting a different hairstyle. Still as annoying as ever, and definitely the king of irritation. But it's all for a good cause, say, our collective entertainment.

(Seriously, I should go synthesise some growth hormones because I feel really short.)

So went to Pastamania, since someone couldn't eat fast food and didn't want food court food. Blew $8 on a plate of mutton bolognese and ate the remnants of her beef bolognese. Shared their garlic bread too, thanks guys!

Then we started trash-talking for about an hour or so, just catching up on almost every single random thing, although the conversation tended towards their wushu things, leaving me to feel very left out. Hmph.

Well, went home, listened to symphonic metal on the way home and seriously, it's kind of interesting the way they combine soprano vocalists with heavy metal music.

Then started doing Physics corrections.

Duh, easy distraction.

Anyway, got to get started on working. Seriously. If I don't do any better, studies will be bleak.

Sleep.

Probably will update privacy sometime later, check back.

2009-06-06T00:10:00.005+08:00

Well, another day gone.

Just a few things I ought to do this holiday.

1) Intensive revision for Physics, Chemistry, A Maths, and C Maths.

Yes, folks. I failed my Physics and my Chemistry (40% and 48%). Plus, for the first time ever, I got a 60+% for C Maths and a nice 40% for A Maths.

Well, guess I have to start shifting my focus to where it's supposed to be. Probably because if I don't do so, I'm going to drop out of school and be a complete failure.

Funny, isn't it? How life suddenly just slaps you awake and punches you in the stomach. And I hate this imagery, because of what it reminds me about. And because I should be forgetting it right now.

Something I need to lose this time round, and its loss will make life a lot easier. Perhaps I may need to lose a few things even just to help pull up my academics.

Stale post already. Just posting it for the heck of it.

2009-05-22T01:03:00.000+08:00

Shit. Big, deep, shit.

I just realised that every single one of my CAS(L) hours are in reality unaccounted for.

Basically, I did not complete all the necessary forms, and hence, no signature has been found, and thus I'm unable to claim these hours.

My only hope now is to claim everything by this year, which is definitely impossible. The other solution is to persuade the various teachers to sign my forms.

I've got one who is coming back after the June holidays. It's just a matter of persuading him to bend his deep sense of punctuality just a teeny bit so as to sign my forms. I will also have to persuade another to sign for hours which I was supposed to get signed last year. I just hope that she won't be too angry at me, because I really really need those hours.

Finally, it's a matter of finding a way to settle all those hours I need this year. The damn camps are just piling up, and I don't see a way to escape them, what with all the commitments that I have. It's just so overwhelming, coupled together with my very bad academics.

I'm not sure if I can get through this, but I'm relying heavily on a lot of people already, and it's not something I wish to do.

Heck, I can't even get enough sleep, and often I feel insane or just plain drunk, despite not having any alcohol at all, haha.

Oh well.

2009-05-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

I was about to shamelessly advertise for my band concert here, until I realised that I didn't even know dates and I also had to make space for a couple of people who are probably devasted by school administration cancelling their concert.

Not naming anyone, and with the tagboard removed, even better. Haha. Just peace and quiet down on this ol' avenue of blogosphere.

So, now that the exams are over, maybe I should blog more? Since I've really ditched this blog during the exam period, and probably sounded the Hunter's Horn more times than I actually studied my Math. Or my Physics, for that matter.

Basically, I barely studied. Shows how mature you are, Timmy. -.-

So anyway, already got back results for two subjects. Higher Chinese and my MEP.

Break down time. (of marks, not me.)

Higher Chinese
Paper 1: 32/70
Paper 2: 55.5/110 (if I didn't remember wrongly)
Overal percentage: 48.61111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111%

Comments: Well I never knew the day when I'd actually get so low for a Paper 1. But yeah, here you have it. Guess I probably wrote the main essay out of point. And it's probably thanks to the letter-writing that I can still score some points. As for Paper 2, well, never been strong in it. Thank goodness I did the "pian duan suo xie" first, if not it'd have been another 20 marks gone. Haha. But oh well.

MEP
Music History: 59/100
Song-writing: 38/40
2-part harmony: 19/20
Practical: 33/40
Overall percentage: 74.5%

Comments: The stupid Music History paper is just bad, real bad. Like all the Indian music and the careless mistakes for Romantic music. Not to mention the general analysis throughout the paper and the addition of Haydn's 104 inside, it just sucks, man. I could have done a lot better, yes I could, but yeah.
Gah, 1 mark for 2-part harmony. I could've hit a 75% automatically with that. stupid.
Practical kind of stinks, because I didn't really know the piece much beforehand and it's more of just really trying to find a way through. But I thought I did well for Bach. Perhaps the examiner's just pointing out the stuff I could improve in, and I'm really grateful for that. I think she has prior listening to the Brahms piece, because she said it could be faster. ._.

Oh well, just two papers back. Going to go full-scale slaughter either Thursday or Friday. I've already failed Physics Paper 1 and I'm very sure it's a miracle if Chemistry is a pass for me. Basically, I've got to start studying a lot harder for all my Sciences. And my Maths too.

Well, that's basically all there is to it.

Wanting to go out pretty badly. And buy a new pair of bermudas. Yes, guys shouldn't be thinking about these kind of stuff but unfortunately the same 2 pairs of bermudas are just getting boring. I seriously need some new berms, although I'm pretty fine with the T-shirts I have already.

Just seeing how much more casual clothes I have already. Yeesh, when was Tim Tang ever fashion-conscious?

Probably going to update privacy, but first I'm going to do some "Surfing". Haha.

2009-05-12T23:13:00.001+08:00

A good friend (I don't use names often) found a mathematical flaw through the "Chocolate Calculator".

[Quote email]

Hey Tim.

I saw the chocolate calculator on your blog. The mechanics of the calculator is very simple.

Let n be the number of chocolate bars you want.
Let a be the first digit of your age.
Let b be the second digit of your age.
Let y = -1 if your birthday has not passed and y = 0 if your birthday has passed.

Therefore, the final answer is expressible as:

100n + 10a + b + y

So in 2009, your birth year is:

2009 - (10a + b)

Working from the beginning,

n

2n

2n + 5

50(2n + 5)

50(2n + 5) + 1758

50(2n + 5) + 1758 - [2009 - (10a + b)]
= 100n + 250 + 1758 - 2009 + 10a + b
= 100n + 2008 - 2009 + 10a + b
= 100n + 10a + b - 1

Where y = -1

Tadaa. See. Simple. Next year, just change the value to 1758/1759 to 1759/1760.

'Z

[/end quote]

You probably know who, but to the clueless, yeah.

So anyway, the wonders of mathematics. Hah. Just the other day I was using mathematical equations to prove a certain thing to my friend on Facebook.

Turns out his friend just commented and made a comment about my comment. And that comment isn't exactly what's going to help me get my back on those people.

I didn't delete it, it's her comment. But I didn't reply it.

Anyway, papers.

Core Maths was okay. I think I'll pass it fairly well.

Chemistry was stupidly funny. I was just smirking, snorting and giggling throughout both papers.

When that happens, it means that I'm either going to do damn well for it or damn badly for it.

Moment paper was announced over, I guffawed, attracting stares until I told them I was gone and they were like "haha".

Then, practical. Madness all the way, haha. What to do? Play for so many people, haha.

Anyway, my practical was okay. Violin was okay.

Yang Tze took a damn long time because he/she would comment after every practical. Which indicted Flute and me to stay back for a long time. Poor Ben Wee.

Gah, Chinese Paper 2 tomorrow. And I haven't done much Core Maths and A Maths today. Boo.

Haha okay I think I should get some rest. Probably going to update privacy a little while later, but haha.

2009-05-10T23:55:00.003+08:00

Don't say you love me, unless it's forever.

Well, here's a big smile to the 2 of you out there, haha ((: All the best!

So, life's been pretty normal.

Pretty much slacked the weekend away, not studying or working hard. But I managed to complete 2 Maths papers.

The only concern now would be the Chemistry paper, which I intend to start studying for after I finish this post.

Then again, the air-con isn't on, so I should just forget about trying to sneak stay awake and just go to sleep.

Gah, I can't make up my mind. ._.

Anyway, I removed the tagboard. It's not really necessary. After all, I'm just deluding myself with materialistic things that won't help me at all. It's better to know about those real friends who will actually help me in times of trouble and need.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong.

So, I'm kind of tired. Got Chemistry and C Math to mug for. Bye.

2009-05-08T03:04:00.000+08:00

And it is then, that you look back, and you realise, that you've wasted all these important moments in life.

2009-05-07T18:22:00.002+08:00

Privacy updated.

Anyway, in the midst of exams. Currently scratching my head (or rather, panicking) over how to finish 20 chapters of Physics by tomorrow, in addition to preparing for an extremely difficult essay topic, and also cramming for History. Finally, the kill MEP music history and analysis paper, which also includes everything and Haydn.

Phooey, and I'm still here blogging to the great audience that is reading. Go me! Go audience (=1)!

So, anyway, in keeping with my screwed-up Chinese Paper 1 awesomeness, I wrote a "Gong Han" halfway and then switched to a "Si Han".

Cool stuff, right?

Then I did not do the "Bao Zhang Bao Dao", for simple reasons that I did not want to dabble in ambiguous topics. Basically, I like the "Die means die, live means live.", not "Death by machine gun or by heart attack?".

Of course, this only applies to danged Chinese essays.

So wrote some crappy "Zuo Wen", and I'm hoping that I'll pass.

Currently, I've got 3 papers down and a whole lot more to go.

Language Arts was grindingly slow at the beginning, until I took the Red Pill, saw the real world, and proceeded to finish the essay.

IHS was funny. I noticed the word "gay", so I took out my notes on Gender Equality. Then I saw that it was about following the majority and stuff about Democracy, so I took out my notes on Governmental styles. Spent 5 minutes in total on this segment.

So of course, for every Document-based Question, you read the dang document, right? Which I did, of course. Probably spent around 5-10 minutes on it.

I then proceeded to introduce my essay (bolding very nicely by way of writing down hardly "This essay does not agree with the hypothesis.", and then ripped off the definition of Democracy.

I then placed all my notes back under my desk (except some DBQ-writing skills which the teachers suspected of it being extra extra a lot of foolscap), kept the document in some obscure corner of my desk (just kidding, really, my desk is very small) and then wrote the rest of my essay with only very very minor referring to my Democracy notes and the document.

How fun.

Oh well, Physics, History and MEP tomorrow. Planning to screw up my Physics, before proceeding to write an extremely condensed prepared essay, own the crap out of the Source-Based Questions (including OPVLs) and then spam random crap for my essay, probably because I can barely remember any of my points that I learnt during History lesson. Hooray. Go me.

And thus ends my monologue, which you most definitely don't have to read if you happened to check my blog out of randomness. Go back to your lovable popular blog.

2009-05-04T01:26:00.001+08:00

Coincidentally, I found the link to an old old old game we used to play in primary school because it was the only educational game allowed.

http://host03.lead.com.sg/gamecorner/krader/index.htm
K-Raider, from Moreatonce. Most memorable.

Played through it 2 times. Still died at the final boss because the AI sends you into hyper Evade mode. Irritating.

2009-05-03T21:11:00.002+08:00

New hypothesis: The only reason why sorrow, pain, stress and absolutely degradation of the mind is due to people not speaking up of their own accord.

How can this hypothesis be true? Or rather, why is this hypothesis true? In what way could this hypothesis be proven true?

Look at yourselves, for example.

Just think about it: How many of you, at the moment, are feeling either lonely, or in desperate need to confide in someone?

Probably none of you will put up your hands. Probably because readership = 0.

But there's something to be said about those people in the world who require attention.

No, they are not attention-seeking. (I'll elaborate on this later.) They just require a little time out of you so that they can unload their problems on you. All they want is someone they can talk to. Someone who would listen to them without criticism. Someone who'd dedicate his or her undivided attention towards listening to him/her. Someone who would listen first, and think it through, before saying anything.

How many of us have leapt into a situation with a friend where before hearing the entire story, we are quick to react and immediately advise him/her not to do something? Being humans, we often jump into the situation as and when we see fit, and often think ourselves as being the one better in position to observe and offer our "invaluable" advise.

Because people do not take time to listen, hence these people suffer and feel lonely. They often crave having a private conversation with a close friend or someone to talk to, but they can't. This has two possible reactions.

The first kind of reaction is when the person becomes extremely dejected. He or she often feels sad and lonely and has a mindset where he or she believes that life is meaningless. Furthermore, he or she may feel suicidal, and can sometimes start becoming sadomasochistic towards themselves, often causing bodily harm to themselves. Eventually, the person may commit suicide.

The second kind of reaction is where the person puts on a false front and starts seeking attention in ways we cannot fathom. Some may turn out to be bullies, some may turn out to be class clowns, or some may simply act crazily in order to feel the attention. However, this does not satisfy the person, as he or she still has the longing to have a proper private conversation with someone. However, when circumstances present themselves, they may simply choose to act indifferent or reject your help outright. These people often feel empty and lonely at home, sometimes causing bodily harm towards themselves and often leading to suicidal.

As you can see, both cases present themselves as possible suicidal cases. This world needs to listen more.

Let us open up our eyes to these people. Earn their trust. Get them to speak up. Make the situation friendly. Allow them to be able to talk freely with you.

[/End essay]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes the above is true.

Sometimes it's not.

To those people who feel as if no one cares or gives a damn about you, you're wrong.

No matter what, there will always be someone willing to care.

And if you still think that no one wants to listen to you, then perhaps you're looking for the wrong person.

Maybe the person is right there, just that he or she is waiting for you to open up to them.

If you do not speak up, no one can listen.

2009-05-02T14:09:00.003+08:00

1. Beside your lips, where is your favourite spot to get kiss?
- The cheek, if I do get kissed.

2.How do you feel when you wake up this morning?
- Tired.

3. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
- The two Crescent councillors who came down to my school. =D

4. Would you consider yourself to be spoilt?
- In certain ways, yes, but materialistically, no.

5. Would you ever donate blood?
- Yeah, just knock me out first or let me look away.

6. Do you have a good friend of the opposite sex?-
- Yes.

7. Do you want someone dead?
- Hell, no. I want to leave them paralysed for life and in eternal torment and pain.

8. Whats does your last message says?
- Hi, check mail please. - Daryl, my boss. (recieved)
- Boss, check email please. (sent)

9. What are you thinking right now?
- Superficiality sucks.

10. Did you wish someone was with you right now?
- Yes.

11. What time did you go to sleep last night?
- 3:30 am.

12. Where did you buy your t-shirt that you're wearing now?
- Hand me down.

13. Is someone on your mind right now?
- Yes, undoubtedly.

14. Who were the last 3 people who text you?
- Daryl, Genevieve, Shirlynn.

15. Name 10 people

1. Yunxin
2. Genevieve (she tagged me)
3. Daryl Lo (lol)
4. Shirlynn
5. Kee Zhang
6. Ian Ling
7. Clarice
8. Shengyuan
9. Michelle Wee
10. Michelle Tan

(lol, this is the most random list of people I've ever chosen.)

16. Who is number 2 having relationship with? (Genevieve)
- Ask her. *Cough*

17. Is 3 a female/male? (Daryl)
- He got run over by a reindeer.

18. If 7 and 10 get together , will that be a good thing? (Clarice and Michelle Tan)
- They don't even know each other.

19. What is number 1 studying about? (Ginachan)
- Phy Chem BSP AEP or something like that.

20. Is number 4 single? (Shirlynn)
- Yeah, she did say something about guys not being worth it at this current age.

21. Say something about number 5. (Kee Zhang)
- Wtf, dude.

22. What do you think of number 4 & 6 together? (Shirlynn and Ian Ling)
- That was really really really really random and impossible.

23. Describe number 9. (Michelle Wee)
- Awesome in her own definition.

24. What will you do if 6 & 7 fight? (Ian Ling and Clarice)
- Still so damn random and impossible.

25. Do you like number 8? (Shengyuan)
- GET BACK TO BAND, LITTLE BROTHER!

2009-05-02T13:39:00.002+08:00

ISFP Relationships

ISFPs are warmhearted, gentle people who take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships. They are very private people, who keep their true feelings and opinions reserved or hidden from others. This may cause them to constantly defer to their mates in their intimate relationships, which may cause problems if their mates are not extremely aware of the ISFP's feelings. Some ISFPs who are in the habit of not expressing their needs and feelings find themselves in situations throughout their life where they feel overshadowed, overlooked, or even "tread upon" by others. Highly practical and cynical by nature, these feelings may cause the ISFP to become bitter, and to either give up on their relationships, or to start using their relationships for their own personal gain. Although this problem is observed sometimes in the ISFP type, it does not seem to be present in those ISFPs who consistently express their feelings to those closest to them. These ISFPs have a very positive, warm outlook on life and love, and are not as likely to find themselves in relationships where they are taken for granted or taken advantage of. ISFPs go to great lengths to please their partners. They're very loyal and supportive, with a deep capacity for love. They detest conflict and discord, and highly value being seen and understood for who they are. They need space to live their lives in their own unique way, and will respect other's need for space.

ISFP Strengths

Warm, friendly and affirming by nature

Usually optimistic

Good listeners

Good at dealing with practical day-to-day concerns

Flexible and laid-back, usually willing to defer to their mates

Their love of aesthetic beauty and appreciation for function makes them likely to have attractive, functional homes

Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships

Likely to value and respect other's personal space

Likely to enjoy showing their affection through acts and deeds

Sensuous and earthy

ISFP Weaknesses

Not good at long-range financial (or other) planning

Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism

Focused on enjoying the present moment, they may appear lazy or slow-moving at times

Need to have their own space, and dislike having it invaded

May be slow to show their affection with words

Tendency to hold back their thoughts and feelings, unless drawn out

May become overly cynical and practical

ISFPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ISFPs are warm and giving people, who have a depth of emotion and caring which is not often obvious to others, except those who know them extremely well. They are usually intense people, who experience their emotions on an intense level. Although they may appear to be light-hearted, they are in fact extremely serious, and take their relationships seriously. Unlike other SP types, people with the ISFP type desire and seek lifelong, committed relationships.

ISFPs may have a problem with communication. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they are more vulnerable then most to being hurt. Perhaps because of this, they tend to hold back part of themselves from others, and do not always say what they think or feel. This is especially true during conflict situations, which the ISFP abhors more than anything in the world. Confrontations and arguments are very difficult for the ISFP to deal with. They feel personally threatened in these situations. If the ISFP falls into the habit of not communicating their feelings with their partner, this could cause serious problems in the relationship over the long haul.

Sexually, the ISFP approaches intimacy with complete attention, seriousness and depth. They experience lovemaking through their senses, and welcome the chance to interact with their mate at this level. They are not likely to express their feelings verbally, believing that actions speak louder than words.

ISFPs need positive affirmation to be happy and feel good about themselves. They need to be praised, although they are usually uncomfortable with "gushy" praise. The greatest gift their partners can give them is the expression of their affection and admiration.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISFP's natural partner is the ESFJ, or the ENFJ. ISFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. The ISFP/ESFJ combination is ideal, because the types share Sensing as their way of perceiving the world, but ISFP/ENFJ is also a good match.

ISFPs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

ISFPs enjoy their parenting role, and take great pride and comfort in their children. Most have a special affinity with babies and young children, and form bonds with their children when they are very young. They are very laid-back parents, and are not likely to have highly defined expectations of their children. They will gently guide their behavior, and suggest a particular direction, but their own respect of the individual psyche will cause them to be quite easy-going and non-demanding as parents. The ISFP is likely to treat their children as individuals, and encourage them to have their own role in the family.

ISFPs love to have fun, and live in the current moment. All ISFPs have a bit of little kid inside themselves, and they love to play games alongside their children. They're special affinity towards nature and animals makes them likely to lead their children in fun outdoors activities.

ISFPs are not likely to provide a very structured environment for their children. They are also likely to have a problem with disciplining or punishing their kids. The gentle manner and kind heart of the ISFP makes it hard for them to make others unhappy - especially their own children. However, structure and discipline are important for growing children. If the other parent encourages and promotes structure, and is able to administer discipline when necessary, the parent combination may work very well without there being an obvious lack of structure. However, if the other parent is also not strong with structure or discipline, this is an area which needs to have special attention. Growing children do not have the experience to decide on their own the difference between Right and Wrong. They need to have barriers set down in a tangible way, to help them decide.

ISFPs like to show their love in deeds rather than words, which is manifested in their doing a lot for their children. They may lavish them with gifts on Christmas day, or go out of their way to do special things for them.

The ISFP is a service-oriented person, who defines their personal worth in some part by how happy they make others. This is typical of people with the Feeling preference. The special potential problem that ISFPs face is their service-oriented attitude combined with their habit of not expressing their own needs and feelings. This combination causes some ISFPs to get taken for granted. If this happens frequently to an ISFP, they may become bitter and angry. They think of themselves as victims, and may erect barriers to keep out those who have hurt them. This may be a serious problem if the ISFP parent feels that their children are taking them for granted. The best defense against such a situation occuring is for the ISFP to get into the habit of verbalizing and communicating their needs.

ISFP parents will be loyal, dedicated and self-sacrificing to their children until they leave home. When the kids have left the nest, the ISFP will enjoy their time alone to do things for themself. If the ISFP has not allowed themselves to become victims or victimizers in their life, they will be very good parents, and will be remembered fondly and affectionately by their children.

ISFPs as Friends

ISFPs are able to get along with most of the other personality types, although they tend to be reserved around those they don't know well. They will enjoy spending time with others who share their interests, and who understand and accept the ISFP for who they are. They greatly value their space and autonomy, and appreciate other's respect for that.

The ISFP is not likely to have much patience or tolerance for those who are strongly Judging. ISFPs celebrate their own uniqueness, as well as everybody else's, and don't appreciate being judged harshly for their differences.

In work settings, the ISFP is likely to get along with most everyone, unless someone inhabits their space too much, in which case sparks may fly. Generally, the ISFP is kind-hearted and generous with those they care about, and makes a true-blue friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Taken from http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFP_rel.html

Well, I'm sorry I'm such a screwed up person,heh.

2009-05-01T09:21:00.002+08:00

[Chain Mail]
Chocolate Calculator:

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway -but the
Hershey Man will know!

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
have
chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven't, add 1758.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e.., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE
IT
LASTS.
[/Chain Mail]

W.r.t. the above chunk of randomness? I just got it and I didn't want to forward it, so I'm just putting it up here because it's a cute piece of math equations. Probably some crazed chocolate lover who came up with this equation, because it does actually make sense.

Post no. 40, even though I've already felt like closing this blog down twice.

Maybe I'll close it permanently on the 50th post, heh.

In the midst of studying for the exams... Understand that many of you are already in thrust into the mid-years already... All the best to all of us, especially those who suffered heavy absence from lessons owing to SYF.

Oh well, screwy day started out, but I've got no time to post about it now, since I'm supposed to be busy.

2009-04-30T02:15:00.005+08:00

Privacy updated: New post, expletive warning.

Yeah, I know. Not supposed to swear but I got damn carried away while trying to vent my anger out on the keyboard, so yeah.

Today was probably the day where I did the most homework in a week. I know, I still have a whole stack of CMaths worksheets to do plus that stupid AMaths test papers, not to mention the Chemistry test papers which I didn't do and to add on to that, the overdue Physics assignments and practicals.

Phooey. My life is so damn screwed up. Got nothing to say about that, though. It's entirely my fault for not being able to prioritise and discipline myself.

Currently addicted to Mousehunt on Facebook. Nothing to say to that, just that I find buying cheese and traps and catching mice so dang amusing.

Also getting hooked onto Drift & Burn 2: My Racer, most interestingly enough. I think the graphics are pretty cool for a simple Shockwave game, and the track builder is just simple yet awesome. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, pretty hard to stay away from the computer nowadays. But during this long weekend I'm going to do 3 main things, 4 if time permits.

1) Do my homework aka revise at the same time.
2) Practice for practical exam like I have no nerves in my fingers.
3) Sleep.
4) Use the computer.

Obviously no. 4 is the optional one, probably because there's no other way for me to get to work other than switching my computer off before starting work, because my computer is just too distracting and I have no self=discipline.

Lol.

Played O2Mania in school today, pretty rusty but catching back on pretty well. It'll probably just take some time.

Music taste changing recently. Switching back to a mixture of my techno, Jap, English, and Black Mages, interestingly enough. I never thought I'd actually go back to English songs, but oh well, that's it.

Anyway, our Service Learning with NUH is cancelled because of the outbreak of Swine Flue, most unfortunately enough. So we are currently sourcing for a new place to volunteer our services with.

IF ANYONE KNOWS OF SUCH A PLACE, PLEASE CONTACT ME.

So anyway, SYF season now and kind of screwy this year.

1) RG, RI, and NY got silver for band =/
2) Guitar got GWH for secondary section, but Silver for IB ensemble.
3) Strings got Gold for secondary, Silver for IB.
4) We got GWH for secondary band, and requesting IB band to break the Silver streak, because we certainly want them to get the honour they've coveted for such a long time. Heh.

Talked a bit with Olliver today. Never knew he was such an interesting person to talk to. Guess some people don't exactly display their depth of emotion very obviously. At least, they don't go round flaunting it, unlike a certain someone I know. *cough*self*cough*

Ahem.

Anyway, IHS lessons are getting really really screwy. Bascially the entire class is in a disarray owing to the fact that some people just keep insisting on making a hell lot of noise and poor guy can't control us all. He starts laughing with us.

Can't blame him, he's still young.

Then my computer woe today was with a certain guy. Borrowed my marker without asking me officially, and then threw it back to me when I refused to respond to his call to catch his marker because I was busy with O2Mania.

The idiot conveniently threw the marker straight onto my keyboard, which caused the screen to go all jittery. Damn annoying.

Well, I stomped out of the class by kicking the door open. The big guy was in the class to see me do that. Wonder what he did after that anyway.

OPVL was returned, full marks.

Then it went missing. Which retard accidentally took it by mistake? I know not, but strongly belive it was him who took it. -.-

Argh argh exams are just around the corner and I haven't started studying at all! Going to fail big time again, which I can't. It's mid-years!

(Minesweeper is a game that keeps my mind active.)

Rawr, I'm hungry. Studying the linear nature of Solitaire really saps energy. Must get Oreo.

The linear nature of Solitaire basically states that when playing a game of Solitaire, any move that is currently on screen must be made and not left to a later time. If left to a later time, it could potentially mess up the linear timeflow of the game.

Basically, not carrying out a move could potentially wreck your entire game. Although it hasn't been proven true. Whenever there are 2 moves of the same nature, one will yield the correct results while the other doesn't, or both will wreck your game.

Hance, maybe Solitaire isn't as linear as it seemed to be.

Gah, I remember I had something to say down here but I can't remember after getting a pack of Oreos. Oh well.

I've been thinking about how to disconnect from the world entirely. It may seem impossible, but I'm trying to work out a way to resist my urge to talk to anyone and to also avoid all contact.

Of course, we all know this is next to impossible, because Tim Tang needs to talk. Which leads us to this question.

"Are there 2 kinds of people in this world, where one group starts conversations and the other only responds when conversed with?"

Heh, I don't want to be in the 1st group. Lol.

In case you're wondering, my private blog is now at http://blank-letterheads.blogspot.com. Please look for me there if you're really interested in looking into the mind of the angsty dumbass.

Guess that's all for now, I'm tired.

-Tim

[Edit]Was readaing on an old friend's new blog. She was talking about how guys shouldn't be trusted to a certain extent, and that they're just jerks at this age. I whole-heartedly agree with that, because I am a jerk as well. She was actually telling her junior not to be too affected by the guy, which is true.

Girls, don't ever get fooled by what guys say. Most of what they say are lies, and even if they do tell the truth, it's probably the truth about some bullcrap that you didn't need to know.

Guys, be self-aware. Hah. Just the guilty guys, that is.

[/Edit]

[Edit 2]
I remember now! I really really really want to write fanfic! ): After reading so much fanfic these past few days I just want to finish KH:RoM and proceed on to Destiny Island Chronicles! )): But no time!!
[/Edit 2]

[Edit 3] (Yes I know, it's getting ridiculous)
I saw, for the first time in my life, a girl playing on the SAC piano! Turns out she was practising for her exam, but still, it's a first. You got guts, girl!
[/Edit 3] (This should be the last. Hopefully.)

2009-04-25T02:55:00.002+08:00

PRIVACY UPDATED: LINK CHANGE, NEW POST.

Well, it's another of those stupid weeks again.

Where it suddenly hits you that the exams are just around the corner, and you've barely a string of academic work to pull you through this crisis.

It's times like these when life really sucks. After all, who wants to wake up in the morning and suddenly go like, "Oh shit, it's two weeks to the mid-year examinations."

Well, that's what keeps playing through my head now, albeit to no effect at all.

Obviously, seeing that I'm wasting time right now just blogging without bothering to get some preciously needed sleep, nor am I doing any homework/revision on the computer.

I'm just blogging. Playing games. Observing how Solitaire has to follow a single linear line of gameplay events. Besides that, I don't believe that I'm doing anything that should warrant me staying up so late into the wee little mornings of the day.

Whatever. I need to stay optimistic for this screwed up period of time.

"King and Emperor" was awesome, simply stunning. The Beethoven Piano Concerto was nothing short of what a virtuoso pianist should play, and the Symphony would have been perfect, if not having been spoiled by numerous coughs during the silent break in between the movements, and also the stupid lady to my left. -.-

Also enlightening was the pre-concert talk that was given by the NAFA Senior Lecturer before the concert. I managed to get there in time for the talk after my piano lesson and dinner, so yeah, everything was fine. The talk was so comprehensive, it was like a mini-MEP lesson, only probably ten times more concentrated and informative in one quarter of the usual time.

(Shh...I didn't say that)

Well, anyway, they used a synthesised organ again, which was just so sad, since I've never (REPEAT: NEVER) heard the organ in Esplanade before. I heard the one in Harmony Hall, but it was so sad. Yeesh, even the experience with the Esplanade organ was sad.

Why are all the pipe organs I deal with so sad? I don't care, I want to learn how to play the organ.

Anyway, I think I ought to be getting some sleep. Chem consultation. Nice guy after all.

-Tim

2009-04-23T02:45:00.000+08:00

It seems that I've made very little progress in reuniting with my old friends. Oh well.

I haven't been doing any homework for the past few nights. Not that it actually affects me, but I've been kind of lacking in practice and thus, I don't exactly know how I'm going to make up for all of that. I really should be getting some work done, but all the time I'm just goofing off either playing games, chatting, or watching random stuffs at random intervals for long periods of time. It's not exactly something I should be doing, as it often results in me staying up much longer at night and sacrificing precious hours of sleep and as a result, I've been falling asleep in class much more often.

Additionally, there are crazy little bugs that come out to play after 12 mn. They're these annoying little things that just happen to bug you by jumping around.

Let's see what I have to do:

1) CMaths Worksheets x4-6
To blazes with them. I'd rather not do them at all, but unfortunately, I need the practice. So no matter how much he's not chasing me for the worksheets, I'm still going to do them.

2) Chem Worksheets x2-3
Yes. A science subject. Was never good at sciences, come to think of it. Especially with equations and calculations. (That's probably due to my bad Arithmetic upbringing.) But either way, I always liked science. Until now, that is.

3) Physics Worksheets x3-4
Oh, by fudge! If there weren't any equations involved these worksheets would be so much easier! If I had properly understood all the concepts all these worksheets would be also so much easier! But, I still like this science more. Call me prejudiced if you must, but I much prefer explaining a person's death due to the principles of leverage instead of mistakenly swallowing a certain compound/element. (Although killing a person by placing a large piece of Sodium metal in the showerhead is cool. But I learnt that from C.S.I., so NEXT!)

4) 2-part writing worksheet
Oh, this is easy. All I have to do is harmonise. It's simple and self-explanatory.

5) Practice piano solos x2, piano accompaniment for violin x1, and piano accompaniment for flute x2
THIS. IS. SUICIDE. There's only 2 weeks left to the practical exams. How screwed can I be? Good thing I have already mastered 1 solo piece, which leaves only my other solo piece plus my duet pieces and accompaniments, not to mention that concerto featuring flute and harp, with orchestra condensed into piano part. I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAY CRESCENDOS ON A LONG MINIM ON A PIANO.TELL ME HOW TO DO THAT.

6) Work on my essay formats for LangArts + misc. analysis
This should be easy. I just need to be able to remember which text is being tested, and memorise the bulk of the text. Then come up with a proper working format.

7) Prepare for History
This midterm paper is pretty much screwed up. I've got to study a whole chunk of the textbook, not to mention prepare for one prepared essay (duh) and another unseen essay. All this, together with 2 DBQs/OPVLs is to be done within 1.5 hours. (hyperventilates)

8) Revise my A Math concepts and carry out more exercises
Ahh, this isn't as bad as C Maths.

9) Think of a way to cram in all my NYAA activities by next year, excluding the band component.
Yes, believe it or not, this band person is taking on an NYAA silver award. How? Don't ask, but that's the way it is.

10) Figure out how to pass a subject being taught by a joke
I kid you not.

11) Prepare for IHS essay format
This should be okay. I'm just a bit rusty and need a couple of follow-ups from last year's way of writing.

12) Get off the damn computer permanently
I've been signed in Appearing Offline these days, and basically ignoring a lot of stuff that comes to me. (Sorry Li Shan! =/) But I've also been screwing around on the Internet, depriving myself of precious homework time and sleep.

12) STUDY!!!!!!!!
THE EXAMS ARE 2 WEEKS AWAY. WHY HAVE I NOT STARTED REVISION YET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

13) Sleep!
Probably my favourite task of all, but I really need to make up for lost sleep. Furthermore, this is the easiest task so far.

14) Chinese zuoye x1 whole book, fuxi x! chapter, tingxie x2, chengyuceyan x2, jian bao x5
The only reason why I'm doing this homework at all before the exams is for the sole reason of not getting screwed by her, because she definitely wants these work.

So there you have it, folks. There's no way I can escape from this whole chunkload of stuff which I brought upon myself. Instead, I have preferred to take out my feelings on Mousehunt or music.

I think I'll have time to elaborate another day.

And here's to Cherryblossom: Don't be sad about anything anymore, okay? Just let me know if you need to talk to someone. That is, if you do happen to see this.

-Tim

2009-04-17T01:01:00.003+08:00

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Timothy
2. Tim
3. Karl

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Student
2. Intern at a Public Education department
3. Musician

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. Pasir Panjang
2. Lorong Sarhad
3. Kuala Lumpur

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCHED LAST TIME
1. Pokémon!
2. Nascar Racers! (random)
3. Digimon!

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Japan
2. Australia
3. Vietnam

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Japan again!
2. Australia again!
3. China with proper lodging and food

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Chocolate!
2. Food with high contents of Sodium Chloride!
3. Chocolate again!

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. Holidays!
2. Band "Camp"
3. End-of-year break!

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. Luo Han Fish
2. *Blank*
3. *Blank*

THREE FRIENDS WHO WILL REPLY
1. None!
2. *Blank*
3. *Blank*

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS (hahah loads loads!)
1. The Black Mages!
2. TËЯRA
3. T.M. Revolution

THREE FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
1. Cricket
2. Chess (HAHA)
3. Soccer (For the heck of it)

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Iced Milo
2. Milk Tea with Ice
3. Iced Lemon Tea

How your name determines your traits.

A: You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E : You are a damn good kisser.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have a very good personality and looks.
I : You are great in bed.
J : People adore you.
K : You're wild and crazy.
L: Everyone loves you.
M : You are great in bed.
N : You like to drink.
O : You are an awesome kisser.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : You are fucking crazy.
S : You are easy to fall in love with.
T : You're loyal to those you love.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgmental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You never let people tell you what to do.
Y : Best g/f b/f anyone could ever ask for.
Z : Always ready

T : You're loyal to those you love. (Heh.)
I : You are great in bed. (...wth)
M : You are great in bed. (...wth)
O : You are an awesome kisser. (haha I doubt it)
T : You're loyal to those you love. (Heh.)
H : You have a very good personality and looks. (HAHA! Maybe 1 but not 2!)
Y : Best g/f b/f anyone could ever ask for. (Aww...)

T : You're loyal to those you love.(Heh, again. (:)
A: You like to drink. (Yeah, I like my non-alcoholic drinks!)
N : You like to drink. (Yeah, I like my non-alcoholic drinks!)
G : You never let people tell you what to do. (Yeah. I follow them.)

Taken from an old friend's blog now found again.

Oh well.

It's the time for reunions, the time for old friends to meet again. The time for the past to be remembered, and put ahead into the future.

Ahem.

Been talking to Cherryblossom, and things are kind of stable now.

Told you it'd all work out, right?

Anyway, I thought I'd submit something for the !nk competition, but it turns out that I (as usual) cannot keep to deadlines on the dot, and owing to my poor memory, am also unable to remember that I actually have this thing that I want to do.

Hence, no Blue Ocean guide for you.

Gah. Time to end this overdue post and write a proper one.

2009-04-12T15:05:00.002+08:00

Think it's time for me to take a break for all this.

Probably going to go full-time mugger. Maybe it'll have a positive effect on my grades. =D

Guess I need a lot of time to pull my life out of the ditch I've been stuck in since Sec 1. First term results haven't been really good, and I really want to change that fact.

I guess I've been distracted and all that, but now with that SYF behind me, I've got a lot more space to breathe.

A lack of discipline is also to blame. Also bad time management. Gahh, everything just leads back to me.

Rawr, anyway, I think I'll be appearing offline a lot nowadays. It's not about anyone; I just need some time off to myself in order to concentrate on my schoolwork. I also think I need to focus on what I really want to get by the end of this year and also catch up on my sleep.

I think I've wasted enough time on this already. Don't expect me to reply you instantly if I'm online. I'll still post from time to time, but I don't think I'll be talking much. Shoot me an SMS or drop me an email if anything. I'll check.

2009-04-11T09:06:00.003+08:00

Privacy updated.

Anyway, Good Friday came round the corner.

Thunderstormed as every year, and I also wasted more time.

With each holiday that comes by, I just spend more time in a very bad manner. Either screwing around doing nothing or just plain stoning without any accomplishments.

I've still got a heck load of homework to do, and I don't know where to start. Or maybe I do, but I just don't want to get started.

Then there's still two articles to rush out by tonight. Gah!

I still have the mood to open up games to play. Wonder what's with this gaming instinct all of a sudden. Maybe it's just a guy thing. -.-

Anyway, I think I've got enough of blogging for the day. Just wondering if I should change the link to my privacy.

See you later.

-Tim

2009-04-09T00:08:00.004+08:00

To the members of the RIMB.

Good job, guys. I'm sure that you've already done your best and given it your all. Making music is still the most important thing, after all. What matters is that you know what you want, and that you've achieved what you wanted. I still say you'd definitely deserve a lot better, and I'm very sure that you'll come back strong in 2 years time.

And SYF's over.

Suddenly, all the memories of stress, sorrow, pressure, anger, frustration, sadness just flash past my eyes.

Over already. Achieved what we wanted. Got what we came for.

And then, I don't wish to leave this moment.

This period of time when every single one of us gave it our all. When we finally became what we truly are.

One band.

I don't want to see it fall apart again. It took us long enough to build this up. And with all the hype, we finally came together and formed as one.

I don't want to leave this glorious moment. But I have to.

And today, I read a couple of posts.

And now I finally understand.

Look over into my private life if you must know.

Time to move on, Tim.

2009-04-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

The lower eyelid of my left eye is twitching very violently. Wonder why.

Mum says it's lack of sleep, of which I totally agree with but don't like to accept. :P

Anyway, now that SYF's over, I've got to get back to studying. Been away from my books for too long already, and even then, it's hard just getting back into the flow of studying in school. I've just about returned every single math concept to PCC, and there's still the problem of missing all the bloody science practicals and having to catch up with all of them. Furthermore, all the overdue homework will mean more work for me.

To be honest, I'm not really that ready for a non-SYF life yet since I'm so bloody busy before SYF, during SYF, and after SYF.

Or mainly we should just blame it on my lack of discipline and my inability to prioritise and manage my time properly.

Been appearing offline lately, except to talk to a couple of people. Cherryblossom and I are currently on understanding terms, and I daresay I've gotten over my stupid emo stage and my desire to be together with her already. Having lost my head over this, I guess I decided that I just couldn't go on like this anymore. After all, I can't go on the rest of my life like this, can I?

I guess I'm finally coming to terms to it. And though I may still have some feelings for her, I've finally understood the value of friendship and its importance.

Then again, I've yet to fully grasp its full meaning. And maybe she has yet to understand me.

But then again, what does liking a person mean? It's definitely about her being happy, even if you're not the source of happiness. It's this sacrificial quality that makes this love perfect.

Agape love. Unconditional love. What could this mean?

Perhaps I should sit from afar and watch. And observe. And see how the day works out.

But no, it's not like you'll ever understand.

2009-04-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a short post, but it's dedicated to all the RGS and NYGH band people out there.

You've done your best, and it's really the best. Giving your all is already worthy of the GWH award. So don't lose heart, and most certainly don't give up on the dreams of the band. You've given your best and you know it. So cheer up, and I'm certain you'll do better in two years time.

2009-04-03T14:50:00.003+08:00

Well, now that everything is over, I have a little more space to breathe.

GWH.

Those 3 words will never fail to make me happy and joyful beyond all boundaries.

This year, this day, we managed to lead the band to attain the honours.

And to think that we had all lost hope before then.

The hard work had paid off, the effort and all the reminders. The scoldings, the high-running emotions, the complacency, the pledge, the meetings, right down to the simple jokes about Milo giving more energy than Red Bull.

Everything had worked out to this.

And it's in the basking light of this happiness that I write this post, and I'm really glad to see the attitude change in a lot of our juniors. Perhaps things will change for the better, permanently now.

Because we've finally got the booster, and finally gotten what we came for, and we've kept the honour we once got so long ago.

To all those who had made this possible: Thank you.

And to all those who had given me your encouragement, to Patrick, Yunxin, Clarice, Peixin, Chongmin, Lishan, Fuxin and even those who had come down to support us, the juniors, the seniors: Thank you very much. Without your encouragement, perhaps I would be still trembling before walking onto stage.

It was an emotional affair, and there were many shouts of jubilation. Some eyes were teary, and most were just simply too joyful for words. Hugs were exchanged, and I finally felt the warmth, the togetherness, the cohesion, and all the unity that I had joined band for.

It was then that I felt we were finally the One Band we had always wanted to achieve.

And now, we hope and wait, for an invitation. For that invitation will prove our worth, and it would most definitely be an even greater honour for us.

To the seniors in IB: Just as kindness begets kindness, so does good seniors beget good juniors. If we got the honour, I'm sure you will too. All the best!

And to the other bands performing over the course of this festival: All the best, and perform for the love of the music.

To the bands who are disappointed: Everyone falls down. What matters is that we pick ourselves up and move on. The best is yet to be, as we always say.

And now, back to the strains and toils of homework, studying, and the many assignments we'd have to do. DIES IRAE!

-Tim

2009-03-22T10:31:00.004+08:00

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

-"Tongue Tied", by Faber Drive

On first listening it sounded like one of those emo songs. But interestingly enough, it's kind of supportive and the lyrics may sound cliche and everything, but really, it's nice. I've grown kind of attached to that song and it's also a simple excuse for visiting someone's blog.

But enough of Faber Drive. It's time I update everyone on the status quo.

Band: 6 days per week, 5 x 5.5 hours + 1 x 9 hours. This is going to stick me through to the next month, so yeah.

TV: Huntik ftw! But there's only 2 episodes left on Okto! D: Never mind, when I have time I'll Youtube it!

Computer: Currently on an old model Windows 2000 laptop for tempoary uses. Hopefully getting back my tablet tomorrow.

Homework: Disdainful state, half of the things due tomorrow not done. But working. Haha.

Sleep: Less than 6 hours each night.

Mood: Generally happy, finally reached the peak of realisation.

Well, I'm proud of my trombones. They've finally made it this far, and soon enough, they're going to be part of this nerve-wrecking experience. I'm really satisfied with the tremendous amount of effort they've put in already, it's more than they can actually handle within this short period of time.

Well, almost satisfied. They're lacking in a bit of discipline, but so am I. And nothing beats the reality of having the real experience of competition. I'm not going to force them anymore. I haven't been really doing up to the high standards of the band, so all I'm going to do is encourage them and witness from afar their ability to cope with this event.

I've made up my mind to not post anything emo down her save for some general issues or hints. I'm planning to use my private blog more often than ever, and I think I ought to, because there are certain things I just don't want to post here.

Well, time to see the Umuofian in action. Obi Okonkwo.

-Tim

P.S. Here's a very late birthday dedication to Chiam Yunxin, who turned 16 on the 9th of March.

2009-03-19T09:49:00.003+08:00

Found on Yunxin's blog.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Taken from: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Anyway, sorry for not posting the past few days. Coming back from band camp and then sending your stupid tablet in for repair is by no means an easy feat. However, I did manage to dig out an ancient laptop to compensate.

No frills, which means no Windows Live Messenger, no Microsoft Office, and certainly no Firefox either. And Internet Explorer is on Version 5.5.

I can live with IE 6, but 5.5? Hell, no.

So I downloaded Firefox Portable and it runs beautifully on this Windows 2000 operating system. Funny, isn't it?

*Ahem*

Band camp was... unproductive. It's kind of one of those camps where you go in, knowing that you're going to face hell, but the hell you think of and the one you face is completely different, the one you face being much more hellish.

But that's hell, ain't it? I mean, I spent more time playing with my section than dedicating time for them to practice and tune.

And one day, when I lost it all and talked back to my conductor, he said, "A bad section is an indication of a bad leader." Which suddenly makes so much more sense.

I keep complaining that I don't have enough time to lead them, to take them for sectionals. But during the time allocated, do I make full use of it?

I guess my mentality is that it's camp, and these guys need a lot more rest to face up to the bloody combined's that's going to come up.

So yeah, anyway, exchange at RI.

It was kind of fouled up, if you were really there. He refused to let us play for the second time, because he wanted us to have the experience of "SYF has one chance". Which was kind of embarrassing, rude, and basically everything that wasn't polite.

I was quite pissed, to be honest. That's not the point of an exchange. But then again, that's why.

Apart from that, there's nothing much to say. Just got tired, under Prof. Lee's tutoring, and so much more. Trombones always inadequate, and I got caught giving them a break.

Anyway, I'm tired. Let's stop.

-Tim

2009-03-16T23:20:00.003+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Death
Being Alone
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Looked down on
Disappointment
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I'm mostly amused, really.

2009-03-12T00:35:00.004+08:00

Another day, another meaningless bustle of activity

What more to say?

There's another post in the private blog, and I'm not sure if you're going to read it, because I doubt very much that you're reading this blog even.

But I hope you realise that I just want to be your friend, and that even though things may seem strained, strange, and everything that isn't like what it was, I hope you understand. There are things that I feel that you may not feel, but I hope you'll still be my friend.

-Tim

2009-03-11T01:45:00.002+08:00

Posted in the private blog. If you don't have access (I removed all my readers) just let me know and I'll send you the request.

Of course, I'll definitely screen the people wanting access, and if you're not in my list of intended readers, then I'll politely let you know that I will not be giving you access.

But whatever.

Been sleeping insanely late these past few days. Or let's say, for the past 2 weeks. Simply over the fact that I'm slow, busy doing other things besides my homework, or just plain doing nothing.

What more can I say? I don't work for what I really want.

To be honest, I don't want to live this life out like this. All I want is to be with my friends for a long, long time to come. To enjoy their company, not this stupid shit that I'm studying right now which is so bloody tiring and annoying.

Education. Unappreciated by me on the whole. Why not? After all, it's what got me here in the first place.

Yeah, and I couldn't keep up -.-.

Anyway, life here's getting tougher. With all the pracs coming up, I doubt I can even stay afloat. I mean, just look at the time now? It's almost 2am. And I'm still up here, rushing out work.

Poor time management. All the same, my heart isn't into this whole life at all.

Been working on motivating my section onwards. Failed, miserably.

I guess I'm not motivated myself, so there's no way for me to motivate them. However, they've been quite encouraging still. And they've been sticking it out for so long with me.

I'm proud of these guys. They're not letting anything put 'em down. Honest.

Tim

2009-03-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

This is funny. An entire Wikipedia page dedicated to the reaction between Diet Coke and Mentos. Netizens must be really bored. Here.

Enough of chit-chat.

Cross-country was amusing. It consisted of very screwed up tauntings, burners, and laughing at the various IB females running. Haha.

Then it was the mass run!

Me and a couple of classmates planned on surrounding any girl, pace her for a while, say "You're damn slow" and then run off into the distance. It was hillarious, and it sounded seriously fun.

But we were nice people, so we didn't do it. In the end, I ran off with WKZH and Darlow after some deliberation. Met Yip, let Yip pass, then passed Yip. In the end, I probably fared well enough to end up in the top 50 of the guys mass runners.

Screw Milo, I went to wait by the finish line with Peanut! We started suaning people and counted the number of IB females, waiting for a certain senior to come in so that we could suan her. xD Saw Chiang, and told her she was running for Top 20 (no, I actually said that she would be one of the Top 20 female mass runners. Guess I wasn't clear enough xD) and she promptly ran off like a mad woman xD

Then finished ceremonies, and went to playground with KZ and Darren Tay. Haha. Hillarious flying foxes, which included watching this guy drag a girl with so much force that she hit the end, swung upwards, swung back down like a pendulum, and slide back to the other end. The only disgusting part would be where an IB female asked me to push her across.

My reach was only at her posterior.

Disgusting, isn't it? That people of such high intelligence could actually ask a guy to push her by the ass. Who knows, maybe she was looking for a reason to frame me and sue some money out of me.

Went to eat at Macs, and decided to wait until 12 pm before ordering.

Hence, I ate alone.

Went home, then slacked the day off.

/End Wednesday

Friday was funny, haha. It was a 40 minute period of A Math, and she wanted to start on Applications, until we told her that she hadn't finished the topic before that. So we persuaded her to release our papers, or the results, at the very least. So she went off.

At 8:20 am promptly, Elliot and I left the class, laughing to ourselves over the fact that we had an unspoilt weekend waiting for us.

On the whole, it was quite an interesting thing. My section could tune. Probably the only one out of tune was me. Even everything was so funny, until someone started asking me about mathematical graphs of X over Y.

Not funny.

Truth be told, I'm seeing what can be done, and yeah, we even spoke yesterday.

But graphs aren't meant to talk to you. And they aren't meant to listen to you either. Living off a fantasy is a stupid thing.

*Ahem*

Sectionmate (unnamed for privacy reasons) went to get his prize. We all stood up and gave him a standing ovation while he was still backstage. Stupid prize presentation.

Then I went back to emoing. Stupid.

Bro's playing for the other CCA. Doubt very much that they actually acknowledge the fact that he's there, apart from the fact that there's a low-pitched sound playing in some random areas.

/End Friday

Saturday was just, well, chilly. Sec 3s and junior weren't here, due to a scholarship test and a Class Committee training. How mindless. I made sure to keep my mouth shut throughout the whole tutorials session, so yeah.

Then we had auditions. One of the most mindless things ever. I constantly kept getting irritated by the many things around me. Don't ask. Anyway, the people who usually could play just couldn't play.

Why the hell? I don't know.

Then we had a section lunch. Mr. E was very emo. So we all went to BK, taking a 74 down, where I promptly got lost in the midst of HDB flats.

Eu: Are we lost, Tim Tang?

Yeah, you dumbass. -.-

So I called Sis, and she's like "I don't know!" and they laughed, not because they heard it but because they thought I called someone.

*Ahem*

Anyway, we eventually found our way there, and promptly sat down for a meal. Tried to get a Korean guy to start talking and interacting more with us, and he had a Rendang. Haha. Interesting. Upsize was expensive, so I didn't bother.

We were on our way back to the bus stop when we stumbled across a playground.

And we played Blind Mice. How apt. 4 boys in school uniform, 2 boys in school T-shirts, and one boy in long pants. A bunch of kids blindfolding themselves with a school tie and proceeding to run about trying to catch people.

Haha, never felt that happy before.

Then it drizzled, so we just crazied our way back to the bus stop. Hehe. Pity junior couldn't come, he'd have so much fun. And we'd have one more umberalla.

Bussed back on 200, and got a cold welcoming from the Man. Took a hot bath (told the rest to do so too) and came out of the shower. (Duh.)

Washing machine broken, so all underwear has to be self-handwashed. Injustice, but character-building.

Last night we talked. Kind of getting used to this talk don't talk thing. Guess I can't have stuff to myself, right? She's a free person, and she certainly has the free-spirit. I don't want to see her getting bogged down just because of a friend like me.

I certainly don't deserve her friendship.

But dammit, it's so bloody hard to let go, to just forget every single thing that she has told me in the past 2 years. To forget all those late night phonecalls and MSN conversations we had. I can't forget it, even if I tried hard.

But I have to, don't I? Or I'll be miserable.

Not her, she's carefree. And she's a kite that deserves to be let go off.

That's life, isn't it?

Tim

2009-02-24T20:42:00.003+08:00

And even as I watched him remove the glass screen, I had a bad feeling that things were going to go wrong. And it did.

And I'm back! After countless repairs and waiting, my computer is finally looking good and new! Been spacing out all the time during the past few days owing to the fact that I had a terrorism presentation which had to be urgently done.

Only that it's not getting done at the rate I'm distracting myself, but oh well.

Had a few random encounters this week. Some good, some bad. Can't say much about them, but heck. Kind of a mixture of results coming back (passed everything so far) and seeing someone strip down to his/her underwear.

Kind of obscene, really. No one reveals his/her underwear/sportswear to the whole of Dover Road, and also when in the midst of people of the opposite gender.

Then also got a scolding from a teacher. Something about me not setting a good enough example. I'm not going to rant here, it'll be in my private blog if I find the time. But on the whole it's safe enough to say that I feel like stabbing a lot of people. Haha.

Lately in class I've been distracted. Kind of keep visualising myself bringing that bread knife to school and just plunging it into the back of a certain someone, march across, kill that other guy, then walk out of the class and kill someone else. Then finally jumping off the 5th floor with a knife pointed at my chest.

And I feel damn good after I imagine that, until I realise that I'm still me without a bread knife, without enough guts to get up and kill them, and also without strength to withstand their struggles. Phooey.

But it's a fact. I feel murderous, sad, rageful, agitated, and basically almost everything that's the opposite of happy. For no hell reason.

This post has long been overdue, and I want to start a new one. Phooey.

-Tim

2009-02-14T23:52:00.004+08:00

I lead a monologue here.

Not that it's affecting me in any particular way. I just thought that perhaps I should close this down since no one reads.

Just look at it, it hasn't even reached 1000 hits since I established it. How loser can it be haha.

Posting stuff, thinking so hard, taking such a long time just to write a bunch of meaningless words which no one will ever read.

No one's going to take notice of whatever you write here, stupid fool. Why do you keep on writing here when you know that it's all in vain, that no one's going to look at whatever stupid-emo-attention-seeking little kid writes. Duh.

Well enough of chatter.

Today was spent romantically with my trombone. Smooching it for approximately five hours, I formed a permanent emotional bond with my trombone ~~not~~.

What more can I say? Today's that day, which I refuse absolutely to mention it's name.

All I can say is that friendships are still more important to me.

Happy Friendship Day.

tim

2009-02-14T00:30:00.003+08:00

Yep. I sure failed my Core Maths paper.

I mean like, seriously, how could anyone lose 18 marks in one shot? Guess I'll never know.

I don't believe in karma, but this is definitely God's way of telling me, "Wake up, kiddo. You'll never go anywhere at the current rate you're going."

It's true.

...

We talked today.

Somehow she realised that I was online, and we initiated a conversation.

I must say it lasted pretty long.

Until I screwed it up with too many random questions.

...

Honestly, which dumbass screws up a conversation by asking one question after the other within a 5 second timeframe?

And hence, the conversation ground to a frosty halt (my doing) and I proceeded to appear offline to her.

Shit, Tim, when are you ever going to make up with her? You want her friendship back, don't you? Why can't you accept her for who she is? Is it a mental challenge to accept her personality and work with it? Aren't friends supposed to accept each other for who they are? Why are you going against this belief and trying to mess around?

You want her back, don't you? Then why the hell aren't you doing things the way it's supposed to be?

Destructive thoughts... run through... my head...

tim

2009-02-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

Going to fail Core Maths tomorrow. I can't do these questions on vectors to save my life if it depended on it.

2009-02-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

History paper today.

Considering that I didn't prepare for it, I think I did pretty badly.

Not still, I did pretty badly for an impromptu essay. I mean, who ever heard of a hypothesis question where your answer is based wholly on the basis that the hypothesis is correct? No one ever does such a stupid one-sided thing. It completely wrecks the entire essay owing to the fact that your essay is being biased. It does not address the flaws and the possibilities of the hypothesis not being correct.

Then again, being myself, I could very well surprise myself by failing the essay.

Enough talk.

Today I sent off an SMS. Wonder if it reached its intended recipient? Because the said recipient did not reply me.

Not that it comes as a surprise. We haven't spoken for a long time.

"I don't think not talking is going to help solve problems."

Hell, no, I didn't solve problems, definitely. Maybe it made things worst.

Did you know that when we started getting awkward because of this whole fiasco I sank deep down into my shoes?

I kept asking myself, "What do I do in order to gain back this friendship?"

And then I slap myself in the face and remind myself that this friendship was ruined by me, and that probably all subsequent attempts to patch it up is not going to work.

I've always wondered how it would be like to hear your tender voice comforting me at 2 am in the morning. I've heard it, and I want to hear it again. And again. To never fade away, to never leave that phone, not even at dawn.

Then again, being the childish person that I am, it's definitely not possible.

I remember the first conversation we had. It was so light-hearted, so friendly.

And look at the state we're in. I mean, the state I've put us in.

Who am I to blame you when I probably never want to talk to you again? When I was the one who didn't want to see you online, when I was the one who didn't wish to let you know I was online by staying offline?

How can I say that you're not talking when I'm the one who's not opening up?

I remember the last time you had this problem with a friend. And I didn't know how to help you. I was helpless.

And then the problem just solved itself. Just like that. Without me helping. It was then that I felt that I was being a useless friend. I was just feeding off your kindness.

It's time I broke free from you. That I stop depending on your soothing kindness to get through the day.

Yet the more I try, the harder it gets, and I break down and think of you.

Tim

2009-02-11T21:25:00.002+08:00

Completely distracted today.

Just couldn't focus my thoughts properly on anything. Somehow every single thought was so painful to me that I didn't want to think any more. I couldn't concentrate on any piece of work. I had no appetite, I used adrenaline and muscle aches to make myself hungry.

I don't know what the reason was, but I was so irritated at myself that during Chem I took my head and slammed it headfirst into the table repetitively. Okay, maybe not slammed, but I still felt the soothing effects of endorphins. Probably the people behind were staring at me (I know Mamalio was) and freaking out over why they had a psychopath in the same class as them.

Of course, I wasn't spinning my scissors on my finger today for some reason.

Anyway, I've got 2 C Math assignments due tomorrow plus 2 Chem assignments that should be handed it ASAP (basically I'm already late) and an apology to make my Lang Arts A teacher, coupled with the fact that there is a History test tomorrow.

What's going on then? Why is Timothy still on the computer talking on MSN and blogging?

Basically, Timothy is a dumbass who doesn't know how to prioritise.

Heh.

Moving on, I've been trying to get things done. Schedule's being quite the bitch by not following what I dictate, and neither dictating what I need to get done. Already falling behind in terms of syllabus and homework.

Can't help but think that I'd have to screw up my life by entering the "elite" school I always thought it was.

So what was it? Was it my company? Was it my own doing? Or was I just breaking free from the constraints of the earlier part of my life?

...

Talking to Mango now. Grew closer over the past year, I guess. Things like these do happen, and well, she is growing up. Guess people do change over time.

And then I look at myself. The smart kid. The genius. The first in level. Where the hell had all that gone to?

Why did I sacrifice it to the temptations of youthful desire? Were not the games I played in primary school enough? Did I have to delve deeper into such things?

I guess I'll never know. The past isn't something you change. It's something you look on in order to change the future.

...

And that little voice in me keeps telling me to let go, to stop being dumb.

tim

2009-02-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

I just found the most interesting thing while doing my 私函. 博客 is Chinese for "blog".
Isn't Chinese so interesting? You learn something new everyday!
...
Talked to Mac yesterday.
He's been telling me about how friendship should be something that you will have no matter what. And that those friendships can be salvaged. And that there's no such thing as a friendship, even if a friendship just consists of "hi's" and "bye's".
I'm not sure if that's how I feel, but from another person's point of view, he may be correct.
Even then, it's still hard. Hard to get any thoughts of it out of my head. To think that we could still be the same as before, even after I've told you. That we could still stay up and have those early morning phone conversations as before. All I need is a cordless phone and I can do it.
But I don't think those nights will ever come around. Ever again.
The nights where I get to hear your sweet voice. The comforting words, soothing and healing my heartaches. The voice which reminds me that I'm not forgotten. The welcoming sound, the person behind the phone...
&I drown in my imagination of being beside you in the middle of night, wrapped in your arms and you in mine.

Recently I haven't been sleeping. Stayed up late to either do my work or talk to people online. It's quite weird when the other person keeps sleeping before you do, and when that person has more homework due the next day compared to you. Heh.
I've been rather disconnected from the world. Everyone's kind of busy, and even I don't feel like talking a lot of times.
Is this what's spoiling my friendships? The fact that I don't wish to talk to people when they want to? No, that's not it. There are people whom you welcome all the time.
So what's my failing? That's it, the fact that I did not keep in mind all my friends. That I did not remember to talk to all of them. That I run through them like items in a catalogue.
Mac's been telling me to make friends in the upcoming ________. We'll be meeting a few familiar people there. Mac told me to make new friends. I promptly excused myself by talking how I don't want to forget current friends.
And he tells me how I can still remember them all.
It's not easy to hold on to a friendship. It's one of the most fragile things ever. In fact, once something gets rocky, you just can't turn it back. It's like a person with a deteriorating body. It's extremely hard to reverse the situation.
And I've been thinking, what if I held on to those few people? What if I was closer to them such that saying a simple "Hey" wouldn't be considered a random question. What if these conversations never ended, and that they'd go on and on? What if I never ran out of words to say, and the awkward silence never happened?
Which brings us to the point of probability.
Today, I got into a fight with a certain band person.
Seems like so fragile our acquaintanceship is. But the problem is that I need to have a better relationship with him. We're supposed to be working together.
"So why can't you just stand a few sentences of teasing and insult? Why can't you ever learn to just let these words flow over you like a rushing jet of water?"
Hell, I can't control my feelings of anger. It's so hard to take things as a joke. When in your whole entire life you've been ridiculed to an extent where you no longer see yourself as a human, when you start to believe yourself completely abnormal, when you finally believe that you no longer deserve to live in the same class as all these people who are having so much fun, you basically have a false impression of life.
I can't take it anymore, I just want to get out of this life as quickly as possible. Maybe this life held a lot more things for me, but I don't feel like living on and seeing everything. I don't want to stay around here.
I feel so weak, what is this? Didn't great people rise up after being ridiculed for their entire lives? Isn't this the failure that comes before success? Isn't this part of the trials that you'd have to go through?
THEN WHY CAN'T I EVER SEEM TO STOP EVERYTHING? WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL SO IRRITATED WHEN YOU KEEP INSULTING ME?
"Maybe you're just being your own rhetorical self, asking yourself questions which you already know the answer to. Maybe you think so much about yourself that you fail to see that the problem lies with you."
So then, voice-in-my-head, what do you think I should do? I'm already employing the laugh-like-a-retard method in my class. It doesn't work, during normal lessons when I'm giving my own opinions I still get shot down. Yes, I get shot down for no reason at all other than the FACT THAT I'M TIMOTHY TANG.
"Hell, no, that's the trial you've got to go through, ain't it? Accept it."
You're a manifestation of my mind, merge back into me.
"Of course not, you attention-seeking dumbass. You're the one who created me. You're requesting for me to break out of you. You're just saying all that to be your same stupid self, get some sympathy and get the attention you've always wanted. The attention which you tried to get, but you always failed to."
That's because I've been overshadowed.
"If you don't help yourself, if you refuse to speak up, to fight for your own rights, how are you going to survive in this world?"
"Think. The problem lies with you. Everything is your doing. You are everyone's ruin, and you will eventually bring curse, pain, sorrow and every bad thing in the world upon your friends. Those you consider dear will suffer for you. And then you'll realise that you're better off dead."
So you're asking me to kill myself?
"Hell, no. Use the U.S.A. policy of Isolationism that you're studying in History now."
"Leave your friends."
No. I'll fight.
"Then be prepared to die, to watch others suffer just being your friend."
Shut up. Just because they were better off without me, doesn't mean that everyone will be the same.
Will they?

"...will they?"

2009-02-08T02:16:00.002+08:00

After many puny attempts, I have finally gotten my code correct. The drop-down menu for the links are now working perfectly.
I finally have a really nice blogskin which I intend to keep for a long time to come. It'll probably stay on until my interest changes, or I find some other skin to be nicer.
The only question: Who's reading?

2009-02-04T22:09:00.002+08:00

I didn't sleep last night.
Yep, I stayed up all night just to finish up a measly IHS essay on the various ways to carrying out globalisation. Stupid essay.
Well, someone was there to help me along! (And I was there too, to remind you to stay awake.=D)
So, anyway, I'm sorry for the utter lack of updates. I've either been too busy to update, or too lazy to update. It's mostly homework to be blamed. Either that or games. =P
So whatever, I've been doing quite okay. Got an A1 for my Chinese 'O' Levels, but that's about it. Aiming for an A1 for my MEP 'O' Levels this year, because according to Mrs. Li, they'll automatically send my name to MOE to see if I'm eligible for a yearly grant.
That grant will help a lot, especially if I choose not to take Music HL. But I probably will, because I'm unwilling to take a Maths HL or a Science HL.
Been thinking a lot about the future. Whether I should take Physics or Chem. Yes, I like Physics a lot. But what's the use if you understand the principle without being able to do the equations? But I'm not exceptionally good at Chem either. And also, my original plans to take English A1 HL are being reconsidered now. Because there are a total of 14 books to read. And I don't know if I could handle it. And there's the advantage of a bilingual diploma, which looks nice and shiny. But Chinese A1/A2? And Chinese B: SL or HL? What's the difference? If I could use Chinese B HL, then I wouldn't have to do English A1 HL.
But enough about IB topics. I honestly hate the stupid division that the school has over IP students and 'O' Level students.
I've finally conquered the realms of music with lyrics. I have migrated to the realm of non-lyrical rock instrumentals. The Black Mages are kinda cool. Their arrangements are awesome. Geniuses.
I hold a dual citizenship, though, and remain faithful to my orchestral music. I have, however, expelled all band music from the realm of orchestral music.
And so, ends my update for now. I'm getting lazy of going on. I'm sure you're tired of reading this too.
But just for kicks, read 8-bit theatre. Awesome hillarity, especially if you're a Final Fantasy fan.

-Tim

2009-01-05T22:26:00.002+08:00

I have decided to take a short break from slacking off and have decided to return.
Of course, to the great displeasure of a great number of people. After all, nobody likes a cynic. Even the cynic hates a cynic.
Well, this is just a short post to tell the world about my latest (little escapade) and what's been going on.
Whole holiday was wasted (normal) and I posted fanfiction (sub-normal). Furthermore, I had lots of band (too normal) and I took up Section Leader duties very badly (normality normalised no more).
Fanfic link is here.
The reason why it is not up on fanfiction.net is because they have pretty complicated posting processes. I just might, only might, choose to repost that story up there when I'm absolutely ready, but for now I'm sticking to this site, since I type out my fanfiction from what I've written on foolscap.
Enough of that. What's been happening?
It's a new year. I came up with 28 new year resolutions (so far) which stretched over 7 pages (Sony Ericsson phone model K700i) and it was all done on the way to church for a thanksgiving dinner which I initially planned to skip but went in the end and had much fun and wasted more time of my study life (which is normal, absolutely horrendously normal). But I had much fun, and I daresay I would turn up for future dinners. Screwed around, and messed up something over there, but things went normal after a few thingies. Somebody had to be cheered up (which I failed (as per normal)) and there was church the next day.
Went to church, found our teacher, and he uses this oh so cool style of teaching haha. I'm not Asst. Secretary and am in charge of setting up chairs. No tables though, bwahahahahahahahaha.
*Ahem*
So, apart from that, New Year's Day was screwed up. Not for me though, for someone else. Special. Can't say anything about that, although a few people might know what I'm talking about (if they're reading this, that is) and I would like to implore those few people to keep quiet about what happened because I really don't want to talk about it and I really don't know what to say about it. I've settled it for now, even though we aren't on speaking terms. I think both of us are waiting for us to make a move first, and then we reply, but I just don't want to start.
Surprise, surprise. Tim doesn't want to start a conversation with someone he usually likes to talk with.
Well, I don't want for a few reasons. Firstly, I don't think I can face her. I wronged her so badly, to read that sms and that email just reminds me what a jackass I was. Spoiling her New Year's Day. What the hell was I thinking? And secondly, I'm too tired to start conversations anymore. It's just too draining. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't have the capability to.
Band has been mad, what with being an illegal Recruit i/c. I guess my parents accept the fact that I'm quite dedicated to band and that the Recruit i/c department "needs" my help a lot, so they let me go. Thank goodness. Without questions.
I'm planning to re-do this blog with a whole new skin and it's going to be in black and white. Can't help it, I like those colours. I'm preparing to put the tagboard back up again and wipe it clean. Maybe the tagboard will just remind me how nobody reads, or how people read and don't tag/comment.
Anyway, time to go off and adjust my skin. The blogskin, mortal fool, not my body skin.

Signing off

-Tim

P.S. If you have time, go read 8-Bit Theatre. Here. -T

2008-11-16T17:57:00.002+08:00

Actually, I think I'm considered lucky.
Everywhere, I'm seeing my friends, people whom I hold close, hold dear, their families all in pieces. Their situations are definitely in much worst shape than mine is.
Why am I complaining? I've got a full happy family. Nothing to complain about. I'm supposed to be happy. Why should I try and seek attention?
But now, things have changed for the real, I guess I'm living each day with fear. Fear that I'll come home. And hear bad news.
Time enough for me to enjoy my family, before everything fades away one day.

Alright, enough of that mumbo jumbo. Let's look at a few situations.
1) Problems not getting any better. Situations not improving. What more can I say? Little resistance. And I think I need to confide in you again. Where are you? Things are getting harder. If only you were here for me to talk to you. I mean, despite us not being close, I don't know, guess you welcomed the confiding. I don't know, I mean, urgh, where are you?
2) Definitely not getting any information into my head for chem. After all, I am the great failure, right?
3) You're still there. While I'm still here. Missing you terribly, Cherryblossom. Hope everything's going alright over there.

That about sums it all. I don't want to continue this post.

And hence, I shall proceed to send this blog into dormancy.

It shall not be missed, especially when rate of readers = 0 .

How intriguing...

2008-11-12T23:39:00.001+08:00

Suddenly, I'm absolutely amazed at the insignificance I have. After all, I'm just a common nobody. How much of a role can I play? I can't compare to all your friends.

It has been 2 long years, but I've finally realised.

You can't be friends with everyone.

2008-11-05T23:13:00.004+08:00

Early in the morning at approximately 0715 hours, Shaun Lim and I headed to school for a Chinese 'O' Level Paper.
We found the band room back door unlocked, so we promptly went in.
Marcus Lim arrived soon after.
And this was how the conversation went.

Shaun: "Who would you vote for? I say Obama."
Marcus: "Obama!"
Me: "Obama...Wait, Joe the Plumber!"
=D

So overall, the paper wasn't so bad after all. Although I forgot all my "guo du ci" for Paper 1, so I think I totally messed up that portion.
But well, considering that Shaun and I were almost late for the paper (yada yada yada) so I must say I managed to get my dictionary without a chop. (By the way, it is clean.)
So anyway, Paper 2 wasn't too bad. Guess it isn't insanely hard like higher Chinese compre passages. Those are mad, really. The questions are so unrelated you can barely believe it's actually Chinese.
Very well. I went out for lunch with Jon Tang, Kee Zhang, Marcus Lim, and Shaun Lim. Haha, having "zi cha" meals with them is fun. But Jon Tang wanted to be loner, so we had to force him into it.
We had venison fried rice and "gai lan" fried with prawns. Cost $3.20 per person. Okay meal, I guess. Then Ice Milo was $1.10. Ridiculous price. And then we started on the game where you say something related. We started with "Fried Rice". It went all the way to milk, to melamine, to nitrogen compound, to compound, to element, and we started naming elements. Many minutes later, we got to China.

Me: Say Scholar.
Marcus: Scholar.
Shaun: Irritating people.
Jon Tang: (something)
Me: Playing games at the back of the class

Hooray desparing remarks.
Then Mum called, and I had to rush.
And we made Marcus eat his vegetables.

Kee Zhang: Marcus! Eat your veggies!
Marcus: Why!
Kee Zhang: We'll stare at you until you eat it.
Marcus: What about Shaun's? (points)
Me: He's already undernourished, and we plan on leaving him that way.

Then I left, got to Buona, met Mum, went to Lavender, and made my IC.
I look like a druggie in the photo. Stupid lady. She made me tilt my head downwards. So I have dark patches under my eyes. How stupid.
Very well. Got home, and slacked.
Then Cherryblossom was online. And we talked. About nothing. Our conversation was so screwed up. And The Sis wasn't there to help either, she said we had to be silent for a while. I understand why, but I don't quite either. But I'll leave things till she's okay.
And I said something to Cherryblossom. Stupid me. What the hell was I thinking. Signed out for dinner and got back and started talking to Peach, Mac and Su. And Peach was leaving tomorrow. Mac and I talked a bit, and I tried not to be stupid about anything.
Turns out, I'm going to be quite screwed if Cherryblossom sees me again. And yet I want to see her too. But she keeps redirecting me.
Does she mean well? Is it sacrificial? Or unwilling?
Hell, I'll never know.

2008-10-26T22:02:00.003+08:00

Here comes the best part: If I'm not attention-seeking, then why do I desire to be recognised by people? For people to talk to me and ask me about everything?
While for many it seems as if I'm just being an idiot, I'm telling you, almost every conversation has been initiated by me. And they die off. And I keep looking. No one's free, no one actually has what I'm looking for.
Somehow the words I'm looking for aren't with them. Not that I desire for them to say what I say, but the words of comfort, of care, of concern. Hell, no, they don't even appear here. It's not like I'm offering kind words of advice here. Nor am I mentioning people and thanking them in public.
I'm paranoid, I don't like putting up real names here unless absolutely necessary or unless I change my policy or unless I deem that person not close enough/valuable to me and hence can afford to put the name up here.
Yes, this post is not emo. It's not meant to be, at least.
So what is my stand? Am I reflecting? Being sensitive? Gay? Vulgar? Attention-seeking?
I really don't know what else I should say, because obviously I'm saying all the wrong things up here. Forget it all already, Tim.
So anyway, I guess I have been appearing offline quite a bit. Why? Avoidance? Maybe, yes, to a few people. Or perhaps I'm just waiting for someone to come on before I do go on. Waiting is such a long time though. I don't think waiting any longer's going to make you come.
And so now, I'm almost permanently offline. No one speaks. Not I, nor you.
The worst part is initiating conversations, clearly expressing that you wish to speak, and then you find that the person's busy or unwilling to share with you.
Yes, I'm being selfish here. But is everyone like that?
So maybe I've never had a real friend. A real permanent friend. Because I just let them all fade away anyway.
So the fault lies with me, it's a fact.
No, this post is still not emo. So please do not tell me that I'm breaking my policy. You are, however, free to run away screaming if you are offended by such material.
Face it, I want to be recognised. To play a larger role in their lives. Because they're such dear and precious people to me. I'm being selfish, for wanting to see my name there, for wanting to be praised. After all, are we not told that the praise of man is of no value?
So why am I being so stupid?
Maybe, perhaps, all these words, I'm sick and tired of hearing them come out of my mouth already. I'm sick of adopting a totally different personality online than in real life.
Why can't I be myself?

2008-10-26T01:48:00.002+08:00

Been some time since I was here. Guess I'll just recap a few things.
Band started. Damn, was wishing it'd never start again. Now it's still sucking the life out of me with barely any enjoyment for myself. Stupid holidays. (Wait, what holidays?)
Then again, it's about time I face up to the responsibility I have to undertake. Friggin leadership positions. Not that I hate it, but I still lack the discipline, charisma, and basically - in general - any ability to lead a group of people. Yes, I may have done it on countless occasions already, bearing in mind that I either had to lead, or had everything at stake, or I just plain liked the damn activity I was leading the group for.
Look at the recent IHS project, how I screwed it up so badly we just couldn't get any worst? Even the rest of the group had to vote me down. Why? Can't adhere to deadlines. Can't lead the group to start their work. Then again, there's ambiguity in the term of "leading a group". What exactly is leadership? Is it leading the group, step-by-step, going right through the thing completely, absolutely and totally? Or is it inspiring the group of people to work themselves? Or is it just being a small guide down there which only leads when it is required?
Which brings us down to a certain issue: Self-practice.
Whether this is important, whether it plays a more important role, whether leadership is required for this, I still do not know. The only thing I know is that we all lack it.
As a section we lack it. Imagine that. What do we do during sectionals? We merely work on the parts with barely any knowledge of what we should be doing. I joke about, fool around, waste time and irritate my juniors. See? Irresponsibility at its best.

End Section 1.

Birthday

Got greetings. A big thank you to all who remembered my birthday, whether through facebook, handphone reminder, friendster, birthdayalarm.com etc etc...
Still a thank you. I'm not in the habit of putting up real names on my blog, so hence I shall not name anybody who wished me. Still, you people know who you are, and take it from me, this comes out from the bottom of my heart. Really made my day.
The particular day wasn't very pleasant, though. Obviously screwed around, didn't hand in my CDP form, stayed back in school for no reason, delayed my report book by a day, blah blah blah...
Meh. Guess that's how life is. Whatever, at least I had a bit of fun at night, thank goodness.
Didn't get a greeting from you though. I thought you'd remember, but I really can't blame you. You have your reasons, and I'm also sure that your life doesn't revolve around me, so I shouldn't be saying anything.

End Section 2.

Birthday: The After

Now this was bad. Got back my report book, sucked out $600 from my parents (in addition to $81 dollars the night before), and realised the full extent plus seriousness of my situation.
Cracked, thanks to report book and SL stress. Birthday made me realise how much hope + expectations people are pinning on me.
And then came the emoness. Really, hope you don't take this to heart, but I thought you'd put up something for me.
I guess it just goes to show how close we aren't, even though we have the few thoughtful conversations. But I shouldn't be demanding anything from you, should I? Your care and concern as a sister, a friend is already more than enough.
Maybe it goes to show that I'm not doing enough as a friend.

End Section 3.

Friday: The Free Day Wasted

Was supposed to do theory for 3 hours, study chem for one hour, and do chinese for 2 hours.
Did Computer slackies for 4 hours.
'Nuff said.
Went for chinese tuition, saw a familiar senior. Went for lesson, guess who walks in? The person I haven't seen since P4 but talk to all the time.
We barely talked, but then again, who would talk a lot? I guess I'm just not very socialable. Probably don't invite anyone to be my friend. Haha, what a face I must have.

End Section 4.

Saturday: The Band Day, The Emo Day, The Piano Day, The Oh-so-screwed-up Day

Really, since I'm posting at 2 am plus I should count this as the Saturday. Because all these thoughts just ran through my head on Saturday. Woke up late, put pressure on Dad, and realised that there was SYF practice.
Shit.
Rushed all the way back, spent 10 minutes giving instructions, and walked into combined. Late, of course. Then again, I had to make sure that my section would know something to do.
Of course, Symphonic Metamorphosis on the theme of Saint-Saens 3rd Symphony by Phillip Sparkle was obviously screwed up. Duh. Hardly practiced, but everyone's warmer. Skipped break to save cash, then proceeded to kill lips and wash/fill water bottle.
Came back, didn't move to back row in time, screwed up myself, and Dr. Lee walked out. Scolding and reflection session from BM, and decided I simply wasn't doing enough for the band.
Then along came Mr. Tan. Pissed off, and told us to do sectionals. BM called for Sec. 3 meeting, everyone GG.
So we had a meeting. At which I kept raising pointless points about random things which just didn' make sense or had any relation to the meeting. Learned a few new things, and recommited myself to the Recruit I/C cause. Illegally, of course.
So now all that's left is for me to achieve my leadership position properly. Tiring job, but I must try to do it. I have to. Meeting end, got intonation for Symphonic Metamorphosis on the theme of Saint-Saens' 3rd Symphony by Phillip Sparkle and then proceeded to keep chairs. The room is uberly organised now.
Then he came. Oh screw, dammit, I knew he came alaong to do sectionals with them but argh, just seeing him walking towards me, I knew I was seriously screwed. He asked me how I was doing, asked me a couple of things to which I just told him "Runs away.". At least he did let me escape. I really wasn't in the mood to talk about anything.
Went into the room for a meeting throughout the whole of fall-in. Amazing. I guess we just couldn't spare the time. So now it's as good as a 3-man committee. Dammit, really, dammit. I just don't want to screw up this job again. It's a good committee, it just requires a bit more discipline and organisation.
Went down for lunch, where everything dry was sold out, so I went with instant noodles. Ate with a little friend, and we started discussing almost everything under the sun. It was then that I realised I really portrayed a bad impression to a lot of people. Perhaps I'm too open with the way I talk to anyone. Maybe I really am a flirt. Perhaps I'm just attention-seeking. That sucks. Then again, you suck, of course you do, Tim. Anyway his request is to compose something for him. Sad/agitated and piano. Wow, just my taste. And then he brough up my social stereotype. Don't care.
Came home, slept for 2 hours. Too tired. Ate, played piano (tomorrow worship), and then switched on computer for a while. Watched Inuyasha movie, then finished a bit more math. And here I am, reflecting on every single emo thing in this world.
Alright, this has been an extremely long post which has taken over an hour I guess. Then again, with my level of ranting at so high, I doubt that it took that long.
Ragh, off to finish copying of zhuan shu tian shi so that I can play it for a birthday dedication. Then again, how much attention will I get? I'm sorry, I don't like being in the backlight too much. I expect too much, but perhaps a "Thank you" would be nice. Stupid karoake competition, reminded me of this task.

Thus ends.

2008-10-18T22:59:00.003+08:00

Borrowed a charger from Elroy. So now I'm officially back up and running.
Removed my tagboard though, since traffic is so low. So if you want to comment, use the comments function like any other normal blog.
Anyway, now that I'm back up, I wants to completes FF7s. Hoo hoo! After all, it's one of the few games with a good and intensive storyline captivating enough to keep you going for a long loooong time. Chrono Trigger's another of those games.
Honestly, if I didn't come over to the current school, I'd have never been so engaged in games and all that. Perhaps it would have been better if I'd have gone over to R.I.
Sometimes when I look at it, both ways I lose. Without coming here, no friends. With here, games introduction.
Or maybe I'm just putting the blame on external factors that are supposedly to be blame.
Guess I don't know how to manage my time.
"The key to solving it is by accepting it."

Hell, yeah, I have to learn how to stop it. All of it.

2008-10-16T22:57:00.002+08:00

I changed my mind. But now my computer is strictly restricted to 2 hours at maximum.
Without MSN, maybe 3 hours.
So I will be off MSN. And to also help save up money for my new charger, I will not be messaging at such a high rate as well.
Basically, I am ditching my social life.
...
Got results back today. Here goes:

Chinese

Paper 1
11.5/20 + 35/70

Paper 2
60/110

Overall
53/100

Physics (no surprises here)
26+32/40+80 (stupid S.F. craps)

Overall
48%

Lang Arts
19 x 4 = 76%

History
84%

A Math
53+32/80+80

Overall
53%

C Math
Pass, since I don't really know how I'm supposed to calculate. Probably 58%.

Year overall are all passes, but I'm still disappointed with my Physics. Oh yes, MEP: 72%.
Very well, I shall end my online life from henceforth. If you do see me online or me tagging, means I managed to do it somehow. Just email me, and I'll read eventually, but don't expect me to blog too much.

-Tim

P.S. To those whom it may concern.

Thank you for all the times when you stood by me. I'm honoured to have such a great group of friends like you, and I'm really thankful as well. All the best, and I'll see you soon. -T

2008-10-13T23:04:00.003+08:00

I'm ditching this blog for now. I've just discovered how much I'll probably end up writing emo posts here, which is against my rational for the new public blog.
I never had much time or dedication to blog. Maybe now I'll have time to write fanfiction and do my work. Maybe more time to talk to my friends and show more care towards them as well.
So till then, please unlink this blog, because I'll most probably only post in the private blog. It'll probably be forever, although it'll probably take a few more years before people realise this piece of news.
Do not link to the private blog. Absolutely unecessary.

-Tim

2008-10-08T08:23:00.003+08:00

This post really took me a while to commit to. Because Pokemon Emerald, KH: ROM, and housework (messy table included) were all calling me. But I decided to do a review of all the papers. Hah, I must be bored.
Let's get started shall we?

Papers missed

L Arts I
C Maths I
IHS
Chem I + II

Papers taken + reviews

L Arts II

Pretty okay. As expected, I did Malgudi. But I didn't know that D&D would come out to, hah. Ahh wtheck, I hate D&D anyway. It was alright

C Maths II

Pass. Hopefully.

Physics

Okay paper, I survived it. More concept questions instead of repetitive equations over and over again. Thank goodness.

A Math I

Pass.

History

Happy happy fun fun!

HCL I

Another miracle/speed paper. Wrote my main essay in half an hour. Haha just like the stupid 'O' level prelim papers. But heck, I survived it.

MEP (combine it)

Harmony was... 25 minutes of checking out of a 40 minute limit. Heh.
Main paper was... Con Camp.

A Math II

One word: *@#%

HCL II

Ahhh wtheck absolutely NO ONE studied at all so why should we care? Haha. Screwed up my four passages xD

So that's it. I'm done! (Goes off to play Final Fantasy VII.)

Oh yes, to all those still having/starting exams soon, all the best!

-Tim

2008-09-25T01:29:00.004+08:00

4th post.
I think the no-emo policy is getting over to my head. I mean like, a thousand different emotions tossing in my heart and all that sticks out and appeals to me are the sad and angsty ones.
But heck, I promised that this would be a non-emo blog.
Oh yes, before I forget this.

TO ALL STUDYING FOR END-OF-YEAR EXAMS

PLEASE STAY SANE AND SLEEP EARLY. DO NOT WORRY EXCESSIVELY, ONLY CONCENTRATE ON DOING THE PAPER TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY. ALL THE BEST AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GO CRAZY AND START GOING ANGSTY EITHER.

(Wrote this after seeing how a lot of people were scribbling on their blogs about how stressed they were. *coughs* junior *coughs* MWee *coughs*)

So ends my announcement. I must confess that I've barely started on any revision at all. And my Physics paper is on Tuesday. I must be extremely confident that I'm going to remember a whole year of equations. Wow, go me.
At least I can definitely see an improvement (no matter how slight) in my double maths. So I shall concentrate on writing that History essay, doing well in that IHS paper, getting through my Chemistry and Physics, and finally face the humongous Chinese 'O' Level paper waiting for me on November 5th.
Gargh, I just want to ace this exams so that I don't have to go for Concentration Camp. Ahhhhhhh.
Try and get me to go and study. Remind me to study.
Well anyway, all the best. Missing tomorrow's papers. The recent bereavement has left me slightly shaken, but not stirred totally.

-Tim

P.S.: To those who are wondering, yes, I, Timothy Tang, has ditched the internet tagging identity of "karl" and am now using the identity " k' ". So please take note. I am currently " k' ". Of course, if you think I should use tim instead, then feel free to tell me.

2008-09-23T04:10:00.000+08:00

No work done so far as of yet.
Starting now, hopefully finish at least half of 2 essays to finish up during free period tomorrow.
No discipline, what more can I say?
My class still calls me Karl. People question me about "AC" and how I know her.
Which I don't.

2008-09-23T02:13:00.003+08:00

Recipe for: A sleepless night of 3 hours

Ingredients required:

1 POD Essay
1 Language Arts Essay
1 IHS file (includes 1 Reflection on a mindless and difficult game)
1 History Reflection (that resembles more of an essay)

Instruction(s):

Just do it all.

Special Conditions:

- Ingredients expire within 6 hours
- Cook is subject to constant stomach growls, most probably implying gastric
- Cook has no music, his greatest catalyst for fast making of dish being prepared
- Cook is tired

Review:

0/5
"Avoid at all costs"

2008-09-21T18:33:00.002+08:00

I think moving to this blog's going to make me close down the other hidden blog. Hidden, but not private. But one thing's for sure: I'm going on to a more prosaic style of writing instead of my old broken paragraphs form.
I don't know, I remember starting the paragraphic format because I was so sick of reading blogs that were in prosaic format. *Shrugs shoulders* Well I guess people change.
To start it all off, I guess I'll talk a bit about the current situation.
Currently, my life is in a state that requires urgent repairs. I've got my EOYs coming up, with absolutely no prospect of scraping a past in any of my sciences, not forgetting to mention that I'm still quite illiterate with maths. Hmm... I think I still have a History reflection plus a POD essay. All due tomorrow.
So for the 3rd day in the row, I'm going with less than 4 hours of sleep. Just to talk to people and do my work.
And so here I am, stayed up talking to Peach and nearly got caught twice. Plus the fact that someone called and I thought it was her. Then I told her not to call back. Guess what, it wasn't her. But the person still didn't say much. How scary.
Well I'm going to get started on my work. What a way to start a first post.

-Tim

2008-08-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

You're so near. So close, I can almost feel your heart beating. I can almost feel what you're thinking, both in your mind and in your heart. I can feel what you're feeling. I know that you're sad, that you're tired, and that you just want to leave this all alone and not give a care about anything in this world. You're so willing to give up all your sanity, give up everything, just to spend the rest of your days, smiling happily, making sure that you don't get hurt again.
Gosh, such thinking. I only wish that it'd come true.
Maybe it was a mistake for me to know you. Maybe it was all a mistake for me to let you hear perfect, so that you'd go look for lyrics to show how you felt. Maybe everything was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have been born at all. Then I wouldn't have brought so much pain into this world, pained you, troubled you, changed you. There's a lot of things I'm guilty of, all the pain and stress I caused you.
Not only that, you thought that I'd never be able to support myself, so you insisted on not troubling me. I'm guilty of that, because you were so open, that everyone confided in you, and you thought that you shouldn't trouble others with your problems...
This feels like Mango all over again. Only ten times worst.
It's not possible, I'm trying to drive it out of my mind, make sure that I don't think about it. There'd be so many flaws that our friendship would probably be strained and crash in the end. But I just can't get it out of my mind, I just can't forget it, let alone forget you. Argh.
I don't suppose anyone reads this?

2008-07-27T04:33:00.000+08:00

Have a couple of bad habits.
The first would be Google. Meet a new person, come home, Google. Another person. Google.
And that's how I manage to find many people and their blogs. This usually gets me in a spot of trouble occasionally, so I try not to do it unless I know the person very extremely well. Yeah right Tim you liar.
The second would be the inexplicable urge to talk to anyone at anytime, anywhere, about anything. Ha. It's just so interesting that I can't keep my mouth shut online ain't it? Well I do like companionship, and even though I try to be a loner, I just can't keep myself from talking to my friends.
The third would be games. Ever since I picked this up, I've been failing subjects and doing real badly. And I've neglected my blog, plus all my friends. I used to keep tabs on all of them. Now I barely visit one eighth of the blogs on my blogroll.
The fourth would be an absolute love for chocolate, sugar, and sodium ions. It's as if my body runs on just these three things alone. Haha. And I hate mushrooms. Detest them. And for food, as long as I'm full, I'm happy.
Wow, amazing how short this post is!

Tim

2008-05-04T22:16:00.000+08:00

This is what happens when you have no self-discipline. You end up playing games, watching videos on Youtube, chatting on MSN, and blogging one day before a freaking Physics test you haven't studied for. Hooray. All hail the idiot.
So anyway, I've been trying to push her to the back of my mind so that I don't get distracted halfway during the test, which I haven't so far.
But what the heck, I'm still screwed.

2008-04-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

I think I'm going mad. Whether it's over that person or my friends or just my emotions towards anyone in general. It's just so stupid, plunging myself into something that isn't possible, that is volatile, that just can't freaking support my weight.
Urgh, now I'm using rubbish analogies that don't freaking make sense.
I really like you, and after I've told you what I feel, it seems as if you're resigned to what I've said.
I never wanted that to happen. In fact, I wished that you liked me too... And that you would try and comfort me, instead of reminding me about how much it isn't possible.
I just wished that this was a fairytale, and that everything was perfect, but then again that would be secular, and secular tales are not religiously-related. Therefore I conclude that nothing can ever be perfect unless heaven came down early. I really wish that you'd be able to understand what I feel, to actually be able to feel what I feel for you. It may not be possible, but...
I really really like you...
Tim

2008-03-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

A double life.
I find myself looking at this idea as a childish one. One from childhood fantasies. It's unrealistic. To lead a double life requires a lot of skill.
And a lot of lies.
...
Just a few nights ago, I told her. That I like her. I'm just so...confused... I'm not even sure if I really do like her. I get too easily emotionally attached to anyone. It's just so stupid of me.
Has anyone made me feel the same way before?
Well... Not that I would know of. I mean somehow... When I talk to her, like, I cheer up. I'm not sure if it's psychological or something but every time I talk to her, she makes me feel happy. Even with the old Surferz group we still argue loads about stuff. I'm not saying that zero arguments means good, but, I just feel better after talking to her.
I remember at one time I was telling someone about my problems and even after I'd finished, I was still feeling down. (No offence to that person, if you do know who you may be) But this person she... I don't know, like what i said, maybe it's psychological but really, I'm always just so happy to talk to her. And now... I just keep looking forward to seeing her online and talking to her.
It sucks, really, to feel continually attached towards one person. Because you have this feeling, you keep wanting to talk to that person, you keep thinking about that person, you keep messaging her...Phooey.
I'm poofed,let's stop here
karl

2007-12-11T22:21:00.000+08:00

Well I guess I made a second failure today. Lost my temper at mommy again. That's not a very good start for someone who's trying to please his mommy. The bad thing about living a perfect split personality is that it takes many many years, like a lot of time to perfect it. I need to perfect it. I must learn not to let my emotions go running off. It won't do for me to lose what I'm trying to build up.
Today when I lost myself to emotions again, I was undergoing a massive emotional struggle. I was struggling with the belief with God. I wonder, how did a christian like me get stuck in stuff? I'm actually having some reliance on non-christians.
I'm not saying I'm not supposed to, but I'm supposed to spread the word. Argh, Sydney's just so nice to me. I feel guilty already. Is that bad?
Sigh, I want to go. Hello Emily, please don't tell anyone about this blog okay?

Tim

2007-12-05T13:08:00.000+08:00

It seems that leading a double life is hard. I have experimented about these past few days and I just let my emotions run loose at my mother and sister. I have to learn how to keep these emotions under control, or else they will be the ruin of my life.
Currently I'm talking to Genevieve. She's proving to be an exceptionally nice friend especially considering the fact that she already has a stead and we have only met once. To add on to that, we didn't even talk much when we met. We just swapped email addresses so that i could send her a couple of her photos. It was quite funny because I made a couple of dumb old jokes. Something about me stalking girls like her. Haha.
Well anyway, today I spent some time reading up on famous composers from the romantic period and I feel kind of inspired to compose something. It gives you a great feeling.
Well I have to go for lunch now. Porridge again. :\ At least there's fish! =D

Tim